Welcome aboard the criminal justice system!


Whether your final destination is prison, jail or a lifetime of supervision by our customer service representatives, our goal is to ensure your nonstop arrival. Please note that your presumption of innocence must be checked before boarding and is not permitted with your carry-on baggage. Attorneys must be stowed in the locked overhead bin.

Although we aim to make your conviction as automatic as possible, you may experience delays due to the heavy volume of traffic. Economy class customers are advised that the waiting time in jail may exceed the sentence they would have received if convicted. Please be patient.

Due to unavoidable pressure and turbulence, we ask that you remain in handcuffs for the duration of the proceedings. In the unlikely event of an acquittal, you will be free to move around at the direction of uniformed service personnel.

Returning customers may qualify for bonus long-term stays at one of our premium facilities near the scenic Canadian border. Unfortunately, unlike the federal system, we are unable at this time to offer cross-country accommodation.

A barf bag and a complimentary copy of your indictment may be found in the seat pocket in front of you. You are welcome to take them with you.

Thank you for choosing the criminal justice system.

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Law & Parody. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Welcome aboard the criminal justice system!

  1. How wonderful our criminal justice system is!!

    Like

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