Scene: The Santa Clause Courtroom, Santa, J. presiding. For the defense: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen. For the prosecution: Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blixen.
Clerk: Number 2, 457, 278,970 on the calendar, Stinky K.
Santa: This is a determination as to whether Stinky K. has been naughty or nice this year. In my unreviewable discretion, I say any child with a moniker like that is obviously naughty. After all, I see her when she’s sleeping, I know when she’s awake.
Dasher: Santa, we object to these hearings being held without notice to the defendants.
Santa: Every naughty/nice defendant has the opportunity to be heard at Macy’s. If Stinky chose to absent herself from the proceedings, she can’t be heard to complain now.
Dancer: But they don’t have a Macy’s in the Lesser Antilles.
Santa: Stop wasting my time, counsel, I’ve made this list and checked it twice.
Prancer: But Stinky successfully completed a toilet training program and is currently enrolled in first grade. Studies have shown that the majority of individuals, once out of diapers, seldom recidivate –
Blixen: Santa, she was seen to be crying and pouting. Her little brother said so.
Santa: That’s clear and convincing evidence by me. She can petition for a reclassification next year. Call the next case – we have 2 billion more of these to do before Christmas.