The naughty/nice hearings

Scene: The Santa Clause Courtroom, Santa, J. presiding. For the defense: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen. For the prosecution: Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blixen.

Clerk: Number 2, 457, 278,970 on the calendar, Stinky K. 

Santa: This is a determination as to whether Stinky K. has been naughty or nice this year.  In my unreviewable discretion, I say any child with a moniker like that is obviously naughty. After all, I see her when she’s sleeping, I know when she’s awake.

Dasher: Santa, we object to these hearings being held without notice to the defendants.

Santa: Every naughty/nice defendant has the opportunity to be heard at Macy’s. If Stinky chose to absent herself from the proceedings, she can’t be heard to complain now.

Dancer: But they don’t have a Macy’s in the Lesser Antilles.

Santa: Stop wasting my time, counsel, I’ve made this list and checked it twice.

Prancer: But Stinky successfully completed a toilet training program and is currently enrolled in first grade. Studies have shown that the majority of individuals, once out of diapers, seldom recidivate –

Blixen: Santa, she was seen to be crying and pouting. Her little brother said so.

Santa: That’s clear and convincing evidence by me. She can petition for a reclassification next year. Call the next case – we have 2 billion more of these to do before Christmas.

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Law & Parody, SORA and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The naughty/nice hearings

  1. Bluto says:

    Squawk, you’ve hit it on the head – squarely. The Artic Sentencing Commission would surely approve. Perhaps Stinky could be considered for a position on the DNA (Do Not Ask) Unit?


  2. Reblogged this on appellatesquawk and commented:

    Squawk’s Traditional Christmas Post


  3. Alex Bunin says:

    Rudolph is a snitch.


  4. Not only that, he’s suing all of the other reindeer who used to laugh and call him names.


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