NY State Assembly passes “Herod’s Law”

In a whirlwind session in Albany today, the Assembly celebrated the holiday season by pushing through an innovative new bill called “Herod’s Law.” “This is the biggest gift anyone could give to public safety,” enthused Assemblyman Foop, co-sponsor of the bill. “Herod’s Law will enable the police, assisted by Neighborhood Watch groups, to search out and eliminate all males under the age of two.”

“It’s a well-known fact that almost all violent crimes are committed by males over the age of two,” explained Assemblyman Graft, another co-sponsor. “Since being a male under two is the gateway to becoming a male over two, this is the obvious way to eliminate violent crime.”

New York’s Mayor Mushroom warmly applauded the measure. “It’s about time the Legislature untied the hands of law enforcement,” he declared. “Until now, police have had to wait for criminals to grow up, or at least learn to walk, before they could be tracked down and removed from the community. Thanks to this new regulatory measure, New York’s children will be safer.”

A poll of unindicted members of the State Senate revealed a few nay-sayers. “There may be constitutional problems,” cautioned Senator Skeleton. “Although the original Herod’s Law applied only to males, first-century Judea had no Equal Protection Clause, at least not that I’m aware of.”

“We’ve had very positive responses from community groups,” said Perky Plunkett, a spokeswoman for the NYPD. “This will focus police resources more on crime prevention and reduce reliance on less efficient policies such as stop-and-frisk.”

But some citizens were skeptical.  “We’re taking our son to Egypt,” said Joseph, loading his wife Mary onto a donkey.  “There’s no way he’s going to present a risk to public safety.”

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Civil Liberties, Law & Parody, SORA and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to NY State Assembly passes “Herod’s Law”

  1. Hilarious! Brilliant. I laughed out loud all the way through, even though we are in retreat!

    Sr. HM

  2. Windypundit says:

    You are a wicked, wicked man. And also, potentially, a gifted author of children’s books.

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