The DNA truck brings exoneration to your doorstep

Most neighborhoods have a Mister Softee truck, but only the Bronx has a DNA Truck sponsored by the “Who’s Your Daddy?” Project.  As soon as the kids hear the tune, “Papa Was a Rolling Stone,” they know the DNA Truck is coming down the street and run to beg their mothers for a buccal swab.

We queried their website about doing exonerations for the wrongfully convicted but never got an answer. Apparently the trompe l’oeil  wall refers only to the prison of paternity,  from which the “Who’s Your Daddy?” Project can bring release with its “Peace of Mind” home DNA kit. Prices start at $299, with extra charges for each “alleged child.” And for a mere $39, you can find out if you or a loved one is on the “Do Not Fly” list, a must for planning family vacations.

As of today’s date, the DNA Truck has exonerated 2,354 wrongful fathers.

“Thanks to the “Who’s Your Daddy? Project,” I’m free at last, after 236 years of being misidentified as the father of my country.”

“Finally the system has given me justice, but nothing can give me back those years of sleepless nights, changing diapers and paying orthodontist bills.”

 “Anybody can change their DNA profile by replacing their features with fruit.”

 “You mean. . . I’m not?”

 “Now that I know I’m not their mother, I can finally eat them.”

“He can’t be my father. I want a re-test!”

“I knew I only had 5,397 children.”

Watch for the DNA Truck, coming soon to your neighborhood!