Fast-food workers rallied in Union Square yesterday, demanding a living wage. Meanwhile courtroom delays are as bad as ever. The solution is obvious: have prosecutors and fast-food workers trade places (and salaries). This will be a step towards a future of humane, cage-free conditions for humans and chickens alike.
Scene: Burger District Attorney (Home of the Whopper).
Customer: Miss, miss, I’ve been waiting for my order all morning! I paid for three Big Fats, a milkshake and guilty fries.
ADA: The People aren’t ready. Come back in 3 months.
Customer: But I put in my order 5 months ago! You’re supposed to execute all orders within 90 days!
DA: Yes, but the time spent preparing the order doesn’t count. We have to slaughter the cow, nuke the potatoes, genetically modify our organisms –
Customer: I’ll raise Taco Hell!
Judge Pickles: (sourly) What’s the problem?
Customer: A burger delayed is a burger denied!
Judge Pickles: Have it your way. Give her a free Happy Plea. And now everybody leave. We close at 1:00.
Fast food workers singing in Union Square
“Fast food work is no longer an after-school job for kids or pocket change for seniors.”
“Can’t survive on $7.25”
“This is what Justice looks like.”
“Work does not set us free!”
What would Krishna say?
Fast Food Forward
Do you want fries with that indictment?
All Appelatesqawks are terrific, but this was especially terrific. Way to go.
On behalf of fast food workers everywhere, I demand that you cease and desist your disparagement of their occupation by false comparison. You’ve hurt their feelings very badly.
I know that guy. He was fired from Wendy’s and now he just practices law and blawgs.
Liar. I wasn’t fired from Wendy’s. I resigned in protest as they were pushing me out the door. It’s entirely different.
I know your client is hungry. Why won’t he settle for something? He’s not seriously saying that he’s not hungry, is he? He’s going to get even worse food after trial.
It’s mandatory fish filets, you know. Have you smelled those fry vats?!