When we were a law student, our professor of trial advocacy was Brooklyn DA Charles Hynes. He promised everyone, “If you do well in my class, I can get you a job in a DA’s office. And if you don’t do so well. . . I’ll get you a job in Appeals.” At least the Brooklyn DA’s Appeals is only flunkees from Trial Ad and not a rubber room like in the Bronx.
Professor Hynes assigned us to do openings and summations that included a quote from the Bible or Shakespeare. This was long before Google, and Squawk was apparently the only student at the Acme School of Law & Refrigerator Repair who even had “Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations,” let alone the Bible or Shakespeare. So Squawk did pretty well in the class and could have been a fabulous prosecutor, whether hiding Brady material at trial or writing tall tales in Appeals. But sadly, having read dozens of trial transcripts from Brooklyn, we have yet to see anybody quote Scripture or the Bard.
Now Hynes is gone but not forgotten thanks to a blog we just heard about called “Appellate Review: Parody, satire and general mayhem at the Brooklyn DA’s Office” by “Fustian Orotund, Esq.” Parody from the DA’s Office? We couldn’t wait.
Not as funny as we’d hoped, given what a barrel of laughs the DA’s are, but hey, who are we to discourage an aspiring satirist? ADA Orotund is an intrepidly bitchy soul, from puns like “Moishe pit” to gossip about how the “editrix” of BlackandBrown News, appointed by the new DA, “should be familiar with the workings of the press director’s office (and especially its couch) from her time here as deputy press director.” You can’t accuse Mr. Orotund of being inhibited by political correctness.
And for really hot open file discovery, Orotund reveals that the new DA, like the old Pharaohs, is seeking to obliterate the memory of his predecessor’s achievements by removing Hynes’ name from all the court forms and letterhead. Here’s a free scoop from us: we too are removing Hynes’ name from our letters and court papers. If that isn’t a conspiracy, we don’t know what is.
We wait for ADA Orotund’s next installment, as the court reporters say, with baited breath.
Hat tip to Eddy.
Post script: A few days after this Squawkpost, “Appellate Review” suddenly became inaccessible. Hope ADA Orotund isn’t wearing concrete shoes at the bottom of the East River.