Clap your hands if you believe in judges

Pink fairy

Decision by Judge Scott Miller of the City Court of Ithaca We didn’t make this up:

“The People allege that on June 8, 2014 in the City of Ithaca at 4:08 a.m., the Defendant [37-year old] Caleb Thomas did spray paint a single pink fairy on the public sidewalk in front of the Beverley J. Martin Elementary School. . . .

“The sidewalk was not permanently defaced but, in fact, a sprinkle of joyous whimsy was added. The Court can only imagine the laughs ringing musically through the late Spring morning air as children were welcomed by this sprightly visage as they entered their school on one of those painstakingly long June days before the start of summer vacation. When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. And now when every new baby is born, its first laugh becomes a fairy. So there ought to be a fairy for every boy or girl. J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan. . . . 

Defendant has presented evidence that he extinguished the pink fairy rather easily with just a splash of water, reminiscent of how easily Dorothy dispatched of the Wicked Witch of the West in L. Frank Baum’s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. How sad the children must have been when they looked for their little pink fairy, but only to discover her departed. . . .

“The Defendant admitted to creating the fairy and was also found in possession of paint that matched the fairy’s complexion. Defendant however, does correctly point out to the Court that there is no evidence that he lacked the City’s permission to add a speckling of mirth to the gray concrete astride the school. There may be fairies at the bottom of the garden. There is no evidence for it, but you can’t prove that there aren’t any, so shouldn’t we be agnostic with respect to fairies? Richard Dawkins, lecture from The Nullfidian. . . . 

“Defendant Thomas, if convicted, faces. . . a maximum of one year incarceration. . . . Should Defendant Thomas suffer a life-long criminal record for this offense, surely the winged seraphs would cry out from Heaven above. Every time a child says, ‘I don’t believe in fairies,’ there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead.’ J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan. . . . 

“This Court finds that Defendant Thomas’ intent was to provide fleeting joy to school children, not to damage or deface public property. All the good people of Ithaca will rejoice that the creator of the pink fairy was liberated from further prosecution. Fairies, come take me out of this dull world,/For I would ride with you upon the wind,/Run on the top of the dishevelled tide,/And dance upon the mountains lie a flame. W.B. Yeats, The Land of Heart’s Desire, 1894. . . . . Don’t you know that everybody’s got a Fairyland of their own? P.L. Travers, Mary Poppins. . . . 

“And the fairy – her pink flame is extinguished. She delighted Ithaca’s children for just a moment and now like Lenore [n. Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven] she is nevermore. Her ephemeral existence is now only a distant memory like that of childhood days long gone. There is no bringing back this pink fairy of youth. . . .

“Accordingly, the Defendant’s motion to dismiss the accusatory instrument in furtherance of justice is Granted.”

 

 

 

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Civil Liberties, Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Clap your hands if you believe in judges

  1. Alex Bunin says:

    Had it been Banksy, he would have taken the rap and the ride.

  2. Wow. A correct decision and literary quotations! Yes. I applaud the judge.

  3. Wow, “justice” does exist beyond the word’s engravement in the random halls of these sad and miserable court house hallways, which serve as a vacuum of any and all joy… Now, if only such a ruling could be applied uniformly to the street art labeled as “graffiti” in general, New York would be a much better place…

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