How to send strictly work-related email

Squawk typing

How do you communicate important stuff to your colleagues when your boss refers to email as “our business equipment” and decrees that it shall be used for  “business purposes only”?  Take a tip from these policy-compliant emails:

The Supreme Court held today that warrantless searches of closed containers are presumptively constitutional if anyone knows a good dentist who takes our insurance, preferably in Brooklyn.  Justice Kennedy announced the decision from the bench although not tomorrow’s rally in front of City Hall protesting the latest bombing of a schoolbus in Gaza.

Justice Scalia dissented that once the police have opened a closed container it is by definition no longer a closed container so that Fourth Amendment protection is not available, although a lovely 2-bedroom apartment in Fort Greene is available, just a 5-minute walk to the subway, pets ok.

Starting a trial tomorrow – does anyone have a sample cross-examination of an expert in Crypto-Bismo facial recognition? Alternatively, a home for two adorable kittens?

Congrats to the newly-appointed Deputy in Charge of Bedbug Removal who will be setting up mandatory trainings; also not to be missed are Joe from Special Litigation and his Punk Didgeridoo Band next Saturday at the Poisson Rouge.  Please stop these extremely disruptive non-work related emails unless you’re interested in two tickets to the Knicks tonight, $350 each OBO.

Practice advisory:  check your Junk Mail folder at least twice a day, especially if you’re waiting for an answer to your Motion for Enlargement, which could be misunderstood by the IT Czar. In fact – why not simply send all your emails directly to Junk Mail, since that’s the one folder everybody checks?  They can’t say the garbage is company business equipment. Or can they?

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to How to send strictly work-related email

  1. Alex Bunin says:

    Like former cabinet official, former Senator, and current spouse to a former President, you need your own server and related email account.

    Like

  2. Izel Fortunato says:

    Too funny! Loved it!

    Like

  3. Jordan says:

    Hilarious post! I would hope that they don’t consider the junk mail folder also having to be strictly work related!

    Like

  4. Gisli Gudjonsson says:

    I very much enjoyed reading this. It is so funny.

    Like

  5. Pingback: Can you be fired for calling your boss a f*cking moron? | Appellate Squawk

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