Let’s remove offensive statues from Central Park

Inspired by a recent video of students pulling down, kicking and spitting on a statue of a Confederate soldier, we took a tour of inspection to similarly purge Central Park.  The first offender we came across was Alice in Wonderland:

In case you were trigger-warned off reading the book, Alice was an unsupervised child who imbibed hallucinogenic substances (note the conspicuous mushroom motif) .  She’s flanked by the March Hare and the Mad Hatter, insensitive portrayals of the mentally ill. Worst of all, her creator Lewis Carroll should be Level 3 under SORA, if not in civil commitment, for his nude photographs of minors.  Hey, hey, ho, ho, Alice in Wonderland has to go!

Next is Hans Christian Andersen, another child-welfare-endangering figure. You may think “The Ugly Duckling” is a wholesome inspirational tale for late bloomers, but what about “The Tinder Box,” which is about the sexually motivated abduction of a princess by a soldier who, when her parents object, has them torn to pieces by dogs? Ho, ho, hey hey, Hans Christian Andersen must be taken away!

Then there’s Balto, the lead dog of a sled team that rushed serum from Anchorage to Nome to stop a diphtheria epidemic. (Spoilsports suggest this was a publicity stunt: apparently a pilot offered to fly the serum in, but was told to mind his own business).  The question, to which the answer is obviously “no,” is whether humans may enslave animals to pull sleds. One, two, three, four: Balto shouldn’t be in Central Park any more!

“Cleopatra’s Needle” is of course a raw symbol of patriarchal domination.

Here are some Central Park sculptures that previous generations removed.

Simon Bolivar 1884 (replaced by a statue looking less like Don Quixote).

“Auld Lang Syne” 1866.  Two men drinking and holding hands. The  19th Century wasn’t ready for this.

Allegorical figure of Commerce holding the symbol of medicine. The AMA objected.

Boy and Swan 1863. Removed by “Mothers for Megan’s Law.”

Addendum contributed by alert reader Josephine (see below).  This North Carolina chicken statue was mysteriously stolen. The news report reads: “It’s three feet tall and made of concrete, and while the base was recovered not long after the theft, the bird itself is still missing. Perhaps more mysterious is why the chicken statue existed at all.”

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
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6 Responses to Let’s remove offensive statues from Central Park

  1. Adrian A Lesher says:

    Perhaps these are a little different than the many statues that were manufactured in cheap factories and planted throughout the south in the center of town during Jim Crow with the clear intent of showing people of African descent “their place.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Adrian A Lesher says:

    Was it wrong for Germany to remove monuments to Nazism, or Russia and the other SSRs to topple vainglorious statues of Lenin and Stalin? Must South Africans leave standing monuments to Apartheid heroes?Do the oppressed have the right to remove propagandistic monuments to their oppression?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Toby says:

    I just discovered your blog thanks to Defending People link and OMG are you funny (seriously).

    “Boy and Swan 1863. Removed by ‘Mothers for Megan’s Law.’ ”

    I laughed until I choked. I like you, whoever, you are. I do.


  4. Anonymous says:

    I do not think the Balto statue should be removed due to that reason, theres nothing wrong with dog sledding they love their job.


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