Inspired by a recent video of students pulling down, kicking and spitting on a statue of a Confederate soldier, we took a tour of inspection to similarly purge Central Park. The first offender we came across was Alice in Wonderland:
In case you were trigger-warned off reading the book, Alice was an unsupervised child who imbibed hallucinogenic substances (note the conspicuous mushroom motif) . She’s flanked by the March Hare and the Mad Hatter, insensitive portrayals of the mentally ill. Worst of all, her creator Lewis Carroll should be Level 3 under SORA, if not in civil commitment, for his nude photographs of minors. Hey, hey, ho, ho, Alice in Wonderland has to go!
Next is Hans Christian Andersen, another child-welfare-endangering figure. You may think “The Ugly Duckling” is a wholesome inspirational tale for late bloomers, but what about “The Tinder Box,” which is about the sexually motivated abduction of a princess by a soldier who, when her parents object, has them torn to pieces by dogs? Ho, ho, hey hey, Hans Christian Andersen must be taken away!
Then there’s Balto, the lead dog of a sled team that rushed serum from Anchorage to Nome to stop a diphtheria epidemic. (Spoilsports suggest this was a publicity stunt: apparently a pilot offered to fly the serum in, but was told to mind his own business). The question, to which the answer is obviously “no,” is whether humans may enslave animals to pull sleds. One, two, three, four: Balto shouldn’t be in Central Park any more!
We’ll get to “Cleopatra’s Needle” another time. Meanwhile, here are some Central Park sculptures that previous generations removed. Explanations courtesy of A. Squawk.
Addendum contributed by alert reader Josephine (see below). This North Carolina chicken statue was mysteriously stolen. The news report reads: “It’s three feet tall and made of concrete, and while the base was recovered not long after the theft, the bird itself is still missing. Perhaps more mysterious is why the chicken statue existed at all.”