ICE, ICE, baby!*

“It irritates me that a politician who has never held a badge and a gun, who doesn’t understand what we do every day, makes a decision of putting their own political careers ahead of the health and safety of a law enforcement officer.”  — ICE Acting Director Thomas Homan excoriating sanctuary cities and critics of the proposed border wall.

The ICEking’s notion that holding a badge and a gun is a qualification – apparently the only qualification – for deciding immigration policy is particularly hilarious given the reputation of ICE agents for mislaying their badges and guns.

Back in 2016, the news site Complete Colorado reported that between 2012 and 2015, employees of ICE, TSA and Customs and Border Protection (CBP) had managed to lose over 1,300 badges, 165 firearms and 589 cell phones.

A subsequent audit by the Office of the Inspector General found that these custodians of our borders had lost 2,142 “highly sensitive assets” between 2014 and 2016. Included in that total is 228 firearms, 1,889 badges, and 25 secure immigration stamps.”

The audit reports that in one instance, two safe and healthy ICE officers left their guns in their backpacks on the beach when they went for a dip. Returning refreshed and ready to pick up more aliens, they were astonished to find their qualifications gone!

Not to be outdone, a CBP officer “left his backpack in an unlocked gym locker. His wallet and government badge were inside the backpack, and they were gone when he returned to the locker.”

So if you’re wondering why our immigration policy is so f*ucked up, it’s because here’s who’s making it:

Woody Woodpecker

 

(if you’re too old or too young to remember – a song by rapper Vanilla Ice).

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Immigration, Law & Parody and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to ICE, ICE, baby!*

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