Appellate Squawk’s Institute of Continuing Legal Education

Addition and Subtraction for Attorneys  Explore the mysteries of arithmetic in this empowering seminar guaranteed to improve your ability to calculate everything from billable hours to SORA points. Prerequisite: Introduction to Counting.

How to Use Comas and Other Punctuation The nuts and bolts of proofreading.

Advanced Strategies for Filling Out Forms Hands-on skills workshop with special attention to online forms that trap you into an endless loop of “that is not a valid response.”

What Every Lawyer Needs to Know about Girl Scout Cookie Compliance Regulation Compulsory financial transaction in the workplace: First Amendment infringement or narrowly tailored measure to prevent girls from becoming extinct? Does having last year’s cookies in your desk drawer confer immunity against future compelled purchases?

Critical Issues in Document Reproduction When do they have to give you a new toner cartridge instead of telling you to shake up the old one?

Recent Developments in Pigeon-feeding Prohibition Law Does a finding of breadcrumbs in a shopping bag constitute reasonable suspicion? Faculty includes representatives of the growing  #We.poop.on.your.buildings movement.

Navigating Best Practice Core Value Task Force Metrics for Stakeholders Your window of opportunity to leverage the exciting cutting-edge gibberish impacting today’s most solutions.

Vituperation for Appellate Attorneys  Tired of punting, “respondent’s assertions are unsupported by the record”? Learn new and exciting ways of calling your adversary a goddam liar and the trial judge a fool.

Hot Topics in Jury Selection: Getting the Liberals to Keep their Mouths Shut “Does anyone think this crime is trivial?” the prosecutor sweetly inquires. You watch helplessly as your best prospective jurors walk into the trap. “He’s on trial for shoplifting a toothbrush from Walmart? Are you kidding?” they chortle smugly, thereby getting themselves instantly kicked off the panel and leaving you with a jury of bring-back-public-flogging types.  Emphasis on mime and interpretive dance. 

Coping with the Troglodyte Judge  When are tranquilizer darts legal?

Bench and Bar Dialogue. Pursuant to the Chief Judge’s Excellence Initiative, all judges are required to listen to attorneys’ suggestions for reform. Sold out through March 2025.

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Humor, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Appellate Squawk’s Institute of Continuing Legal Education

  1. ems says:

    Squawk hits its target again!!


  2. Windypundit says:

    No workshop on pronouns, huh?


  3. simplemind says:

    I would be interested in a knitting-while-waiting-for-your-case-to-get-called all day and into the evening seminar.


  4. Oliver Mackson says:

    No seminar on beating down the investigators?!


  5. Horatio says:

    “Multiplication and it’s tricky friend Division”.
    Honors Courses: “What to do with the pesky Remainders” and “The numerous faces of Fractions”


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