Masterpiece Cakeshop refuses birthday cake for Satan

I’m thinking a three-tiered white cake. Cheesecake frosting. And the topper should be a large figure of Satan, licking a 9” black Dildo. I would like the dildo to be an actual working model, that can be turned on before we unveil the cake. I can provide it for you if you don’t have the means to procure one yourself.

Email received by baker Jack Phillips after prevailing in the U.S. Supreme Court case Masterpiece Cakeshop.

This was Satan’s third attempt to get a birthday cake from Masterpiece Cakeshop. The first email had asked for red and black frosting with an upside-down cross under Lucifer’s image, claiming that it was “religious in theme” and warning that “religion is a protected class.”

The second order was for a cake decorated with Satan smoking pot. The request was made by phone, with the caller i.d. of one Autumn Scardina.

Autumn Scardina is a transgender lawyer who’s started up a new prosecution — leaving Satan out of it this time — on the ground that Phillips refused to create a custom cake to celebrate “the 7th year of my transition from male to female.”

As Phillips explained:

The Bible tells us God created us male and female, and I believe that. A gender-transition cake is not something I’ve ever made, and it’s not an event I could celebrate. There are plenty of messages I won’t convey on a cake. I’ve turned down requests to make anti-American cakes, cakes disparaging the LGBT community, as well as those glorifying drug and alcohol use, mistreatment of women, divorce, and more.

Attorney Scardina professed to be “stunned” at his refusal.

Considering the publicity surrounding Masterpiece Cakeshop, either she was setting him up or she practices law from the bottom of a coal mine.

We knew this would happen. When the Supreme Court ducked the compelled speech issue in Masterpiece Cakeshop, they left the baker at the mercy of anyone who wanted to go after him again. All they had to do was order a custom cake with a message violating his Christian evangelical beliefs.  And, when he predictably refused, file a new discrimination complaint.

Phillips, again facing penalties such as compulsory “re-education” and a cease and desist order that would all but put him out of business, is now in federal court. He again explains that his refusal was based on the message, not the characteristics of the customer:

“Phillips cannot in good conscience express the messages that the cake would have communicated (i.e., that sex can be changed, that sex can be chosen, and that sex is determined by perceptions or feelings) or celebrate the event that the cake would have commemorated (i.e., the announcement of a change from one sex to the other based on perceptions and feelings).

“Phillips would not create a custom cake that expresses those messages for any customer, no matter the customer’s protected characteristics.

“Masterpiece Cakeshop did not decline this request because of the customer’s transgender status or other protected characteristic. Rather, it declined the request because of the messages that the cake would have expressed.”

We notice that nobody goes after black, Hispanic or Asian Christian evangelical bakers, let alone Muslim bakers, who are just as likely as Phillips to refuse to create a cake celebrating gay marriage or sex change.

We also note how, during the six years that Masterpiece Cakeshop was going on, the defenders of vulnerable minorities sought to re-educate Phillips with death threats, hostile phone calls and throwing rocks through his store window.

Isn’t tolerance wonderful?

 

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in First Amendment, Satirical cartoons and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Masterpiece Cakeshop refuses birthday cake for Satan

  1. jbcwv says:

    His reward will be greater in heaven.

    Like

    • Humdinger says:

      I don’t know about heaven but after Judge Kavanaugh gets approved for the Supreme Court the odds increase greatly that his reward will be greater on earth.

      Like

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