Queens judges say the darndest things

Welcome to Queens, birthplace of the Mets, Weight Watchers and President Trump. Where, if you’re on trial for a crime, the prosecutor is likely to be the judge’s kid.

Picture this:

Prosecutor: Objection.

Judge: Overruled.

Prosecutor: Dad-dy!

Judge: Oh, all right. Just this once. Sustained.

The Queens DA’s Office – the pipeline to the Queens judiciary – sees nothing eyebrow-raising about hiring their judges’ little gene copies. Indeed, says their spokesperson, it would be very wrong to reject applicants just because of who their parents are.

Then there’s Queens Judge Hollie, who’s set a record for being reversed four times over the last 15 months.

How in the world did he manage to provoke the Appellate Affirmance Machine into reversing one conviction, let alone four?

Did the prosecutor need help shoring up his witness’s credibility? No worries, Judge Hollie would take over the direct and cross-examination. In one case, he injected himself into the questioning over 50 times, asking over 400 questions.

Is defense counsel being a little too efficient about impeaching a witness with her inconsistent testimony? Judge Hollie will instruct the jury that, in his opinion, she’s telling the truth.

Is the prosecutor not eliciting enough testimony damaging to the defense? Judge Hollie to the rescue!

Tut, tut, said the Second Department. Even if we all know the judge is a prosecutor in a robe, he mustn’t look like one.

Judge Hollie clarifies the record




About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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