Fox snarls at pursuing hounds, is shot for bullying behavior

In another victory for “the offended” over our blog post from two years ago, Are You a Cissy? the boss has condemned us to a course of treatment by Corporate Counseling Associates (“CCA”).  The boss has now added “bullying” to our list of sins because, she says, our outrage at our accusers hurts their feelings and “chills” their zeal for filing complaints. Would that were true!

According to its website, CCA provides CYA to organizations against lawsuits from the offended in the form of “Workplace Behavior Risk Coaching.” CCA’s “Case Studies” is a gallery of photos illustrating the various workplace problems they promise to fix.  For instance, one photo shows a phone off the hook in a conference room, captioned “Violence in the Workplace,” apparently suggesting murdered bodies under the table:

Violence in the workplace

Even more subtle is the same photo captioned “Opioids in the Workplace.”

Opioids in the workplace

And totally beyond us is the one of birds perched on telephone pole wires, captioned “Employee Assistance Program”:

Employee Assistance Program

Then there’s “A range of interventions to move an organization forward”:

A range of interventions to move an organization forward.

which if that doesn’t portend “Violence in the workplace,” we don’t know what does.

We figure we’re destined for the category “CCA helps address difficult behaviors to deliver business results.” Unfortunately we haven’t a clue what these little blocks are:

Addressing difficult behaviors to deliver business results

Evidently the red circle is having its difficult behaviors addressed by the offended cubes.

The website goes on to provide success stories like this one:

“A new executive joined a senior team. Her knowledge, experience, and capability in delivering results were excellent, but her style alienated supervisors, peers, direct reports, and stakeholders.” After being worked over for 6 months, says the website, (emphasis added) she “learned to modulate her style to adapt to both the culture and specific individuals.”

We look forward to doing the same.

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Civil Liberties, Satire and parody and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Fox snarls at pursuing hounds, is shot for bullying behavior

  1. Windypundit says:

    Geez, this story never ends. Although, given all this crap they’re putting you through, I think opioids in the workplace is an option you should consider.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jill P McMahon says:

    First handset is missing hair and bloody tissue. Second handset is missing white powder. I don’t get the birds either. Soldier on.

    Like

  3. Brian Cowles says:

    “Addressing difficult behaviors to deliver business results” is obviously an attempt to fit a round peg in a square hole – never mind that all the square pegs are white and the round peg is red – that clearly means that the company is trying to erase Native American cultural values and black and brown bodies (do you see any black pegs? Neither do I).

    Disclaimer: Repeating the above to your boss would probably be career suicide. If you do and get away with it, though, please let me know.

    Like

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