Must be true, says so right here in the Probation Report

Who needs satire when we have the news? The world closing down around us, Governor Cuomo proudly shilling a hand sanitizer for being cheaper than Brand X and smelling like tulips (the hand sanitizer, that is). Brought to us by CorCraft, the brand name of prisoner-made products (“Cor” being short for Corrections).  Which explains why it’s such a bargain. We should be proud of our clients for rescuing us in this time of crisis from price-gouging Brand X!

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Looks like we’ll have to read Woody Allen’s autobiography in French, since the boys and girls of Hachette Book Group stormed out of their Rockefeller Center offices to block its publication in the U.S.  They think because there were accusations – shown to be unfounded years ago – of molesting his daughter, he shouldn’t be allowed to publish a book.  No doubt they’d have staged a book burning in the skating rink under Prometheus, but large gatherings are out these days.

So Woody’s “Apropos of Nothing” will be published in France where the #MoiAussi movement isn’t yet in total control of the arts. Alors, perhaps some brave souls will smuggle it past Customs into NY, as they did with Joyce’s Ulysses when it was banned for its “unparlorlike” language. Or maybe we can read it as a clandestinely circulated samizdat like Gulag Archipelago. Or possibly, as in Farenheit 451, Woody’s memoir will survive by being memorized by wandering exiles.

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Apropos of #MeToo, the Court of Appeals has finally eliminated all that silly frou-fra about proof and decided that in SORA hearings, accusations alone are clear and convincing evidence. According to the majority, if it’s on a piece of paper from a law enforcement agency, that’s good enough.

That turns SORA hearings into a farce, scolds Progressive Judge Jenny Rivera in a dissent nobody seems to have read to the end of. You need reliable evidence. Like victims’ statements.  Say what? Yes, victims’ statements. Uncorroborated, never cross-examined, never the subject of a conviction. That’s what she calls reliable?

Et tu, Jenny.