Outdoor Public Defending

Now in the 5th month of the COVID-19 shelter-in-place era, our Guv (“I live alone with a dog and we’re getting pretty sick of each other”) has just reinstated the ban on indoor public dining.

Meanwhile the courts, which have been operating through Zoom, have started sending our clients messages like this:

NYCJA Alert: Starting July 15th, NY courts will begin limited in-court appearances. When coming to court, you must wear a mask, get your temperature checked, and social distance. Family members can accompany you and must follow the same rules. Please contact your lawyer with any questions. Reply H for Help or S to Stop. 

So indoor public dining is dangerous, but indoor public defending isn’t? In courtrooms where only the judge is behind plexiglass?

The solution is obvious: outdoor public defending.

Judge: Good morning folks, my name is Woodbridge and I’ll be your judge for today. For starters, would you like to plead guilty or not guilty?

Lawyer: Depends. What are the specials?

Judge: Today’s special is three years probation and $1359 in restitution for the damage to the jetski.

(lawyer and client consult)

Lawyer: How about conditional release with community service?

Judge: That’s not on today’s menu, sorry.

Lawyer: Well, what else is there?

Judge: Five years upstate and five years post-release supervision.

(lawyer and client consult some more)

Lawyer: We’ll take the special. Does anything come with it?

Judge: Yes, indeed. The probation steward will be with you momentarily to tell you about all the attached conditions.

Client: (to lawyer) I don’t like what they serve here. Can’t we go someplace else?

Lawyer: (sighing) I’m afraid they have a monopoly.


“Allons enfants de la patreeeeee-yuh!”


About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.
This entry was posted in Criminal law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Outdoor Public Defending

  1. Pingback: THE BEST OF APPELLATE SQUAWK 2010-2020 | Appellate Squawk

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