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“I’m not eccentric, I’m just more alive than most people. I’m an unpopular electric eel in a pond of goldfish.” — Edith Sitwell.
- Oral argument to be replaced by Chat Bot
- 2023: Lunar New Year of the Rabbit
- The charade of appellate review
- Appellate Judges to be Replaced by ChatGPT
- ACT UP: HIV+ is not a sex offense.
- Getting AIDS from Typewriter Keys
- NY DA Supports Discrimination Against HIV+ Persons
- The Public Defender Card Game
- Maud Maron v. The Legal Aid Society
- I’m objective, thee is biased
- People’s briefs and other horror fiction
- “My pronouns are sheehurr… so yours would be?”
- May it really, really displease the court
- Defending the Second Amendment
- May It Displease the Court
- Covid in the Courtrooms: an Unnecessary Risk
- Judge Jack Weinstein 1921-2021
- In-Person Oral Argument Should Go the Way of the Dodo
- Convicting Bill Cosby: “An Unconstitutional Coercive Bait-and-Switch”
- Judge Conviser rips into SORA
- Adios, 2020!
- THE BEST OF APPELLATE SQUAWK 2010-2020
- Call a rose by any other name and it’ll see you in court
- Try the new high-tech system for alienating your clients
- Outdoor Public Defending
- Why do cops lie? Because judges believe them.
- Courts to replace juries with potted plants
- Do Statues Matter?
- Sexual thoughts and the First Amendment
- COVID-19 masks for judges
- Judges in trouble
- Hell hath no fury like a client scorned
- “Don’t you dare invite me to your stupid Zoom party!”
- Janitors, Catholic schoolteachers and the Hosanna exception
- Supreme Court hears robocall case, flushes toilet
- “Planet of the Humans”
- The virus, like the rain, falleth on the just and the unjust
- The NYC arraignment scandal: part 2
- NYC courtrooms: the arraignment scandal
- Squawk under house arrest
- Must be true, says so right here in the Probation Report
- Discovery reform in Brooklyn: fuggetabout WitCom
- Happy Lunar New Year 2020: Year of the Rat
- The Sex Offender Bus
- Head for the hills, discovery reform arrives with the New Year!
- Annals of Social Injustice: Affluent People Drinking Rosé in Central Park
- Is it silly to demand transparency from appellate courts?
- “Your question has nothing to do with this case, Judge.”
- Not your law office? Click here.
- Let’s keep dogs off the witness stand.
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Category Archives: Criminal Defense Appeals
The NY Court of Appeals gets its comeuppance
When it comes to federal habeas petitions, never has so much been denied to so many by so few. To the prisoner, a habeas is the last bastion of hope. To the federal judish, it’s the occasion for assuring state … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Criminal law, Judges, Law, Satirical cartoons Tagged Brady material, federal habeas, People v. Fuentes, Second Circuit 7 Comments
Guest Post: Exoneration after 25 Years Is Great but Competent Appellate Review at the Time Would Have Been Better
When Andre Hatchett was exonerated after serving half his life in prison for a murder he didn’t commit, the deceptively mild-mannered Ursula Bentele, Professor Emerita of Brooklyn Law School, commented that the Appellate Division had every reason to know at … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Criminal law, Law Tagged Andre Hatchett, Brooklyn Law School, Innocence Project, Ursula Bentele 6 Comments
Court of Appeals to Squawk: Drop Dead
Sigh. Another drop-dead letter from the NY Court of Appeals, the second one this week. The first denied leave to appeal where our client got 107 years after a trial that he spent mostly down in the courthouse pens because … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Criminal law, Judges, Law, SORA Tagged NY Court of Appeals, SORA Risk Assessment Instrument 1 Comment
Is a Parrot’s Statement Testimonial?
A prosecutor is considering whether the words of a pet parrot could be used to try the woman accused of killing his owner. Bud, a 19-year-old African grey parrot, has been repeating the phrase “don’t fucking shoot” ever since his owner, … Continue reading
We find no error “under the circumstances”
Step right up folks, and guess which shell has the reversible error under it. Pick the right one and you get a reversal for your client’s case. How about you, sir? The one under my hand? Whupp! Nope, that’s harmless … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Criminal law, Humor, Judges, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons Tagged Appellate review, shell game 1 Comment
More Client-Centered than Thou
If you ever want to liven up a dull CLE, just ask your audience, “How do you deal with a client who wants you to do something that you know would sink their case?” People who’ve been totally comatose until … Continue reading
Study finds most legal work too complex for robots
According to a new study entitled “Can Robots Be Lawyers?” the answer is no, because legal work involves talking to your client and going to court. The study refers to this as “unstructured human interaction,” which is putting it mildly. … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law, Law & Parody, SORA Tagged Robots 4 Comments
How to write People’s appeals
Are you an unrecognized Great Legal Mind? Do you love the idea of throwing bad people in jail but don’t have what it takes to wow a jury? Has your prosecutorial career been unfairly hindered by irrational social prejudices against … Continue reading
Clap your hands if you believe in judges
Decision by Judge Scott Miller of the City Court of Ithaca. We didn’t make this up: “The People allege that on June 8, 2014 in the City of Ithaca at 4:08 a.m., the Defendant [37-year old] Caleb Thomas did spray paint … Continue reading
Posted in Civil Liberties, Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons Tagged City Court of Ithaca, fairies, graffiti 4 Comments
Vote for Squawk!
We’ve always been totally indifferent to fame, glory and recognition except when it’s offered to us. Now that we’ve been nominated for the ABA’s top 100 blogs (curiously spelled as blawgs) we’ve shamelessly hit the campaign trail. Vote here for … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody Tagged Legal Blogs; ABA 100 best blawgs 2 Comments
“Ten ways to improve the First Department”
Recently the redoubtable Judge Saxophone came out in the NY Law Journal with a piece called Ten Ways to Improve the First Department. The problems it addresses are so recondite we didn’t know they existed, while the problems it doesn’t … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Judges, Law, Law & Parody Tagged Appellate Division, First Department 3 Comments
The “winning” brief: good writing has nothing to do with it.
Try googling or westlaw-ing “appellate advocacy” and you’ll find a ton of advice on how to write a winning brief. It’s at least as useful as those tips on how to become a millionaire by selling vitamin pills door to … Continue reading
The appellate advocacy board game
Hone your skills with the fun and educational Appellate Advocacy Board Game ™, now on sale at the Court of Appeals gift shop. Let’s roll the dice and get started! 1. Monday morning find brand new file on your desk. A 7,000-page trial … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons Tagged Appellate advocacy, Appellate Division, Court reporters 7 Comments
Six exciting People’s positions with illustrations
Prosecutors don’t have thoughts, ideas or beliefs – they have positions. As in, “It is the People’s position that we don’t have to turn over that information.” Add spice to your courtroom life by trying out these steamy People’s positions. … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Criminal law, Humor, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons Tagged prosecutors, Satirical cartoons 2 Comments
Appellate briefs are junk mail
How silly to complain that the Appellate Division doesn’t read our briefs! You don’t read your junk mail, why should they read theirs? When you toss your junk mail into the trash without opening it, it’s not because it’s missing … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons Tagged appellate briefs, Appellate review, junk mail 1 Comment
Cop gets booboo, client gets 5 years
We’ve just lost another appeal where the cops, confronted with an argumentative citizen, immediately resorted to the persuasive power of fists and handcuffs. Returning to their patrol car emblazoned with the NYPD slogan, “Professionalism Courtesy Respect,” they found that their … Continue reading
Judge Magoo pulls our leg
You may remember Judge Magoo who went on the front page of the NY Law Journal twice to announce his resignation from the Appellate Division because he couldn’t make ends meet on $160K a year, even with special funding for … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law & Parody 1 Comment
Prosecutors’ junta gets coal in its stocking for Christmas
Next month, the case of Adrian Thomas will be heard in the NY Court of Appeals. Mr. Thomas was sentenced to 25 years to life for the murder of his infant son despite overwhelming medical evidence that the baby had … Continue reading