Category Archives: Humor

COVID-19 masks for judges

From a social distance of 150 miles away, we watched NY’s highest state court judges marching into the courtroom to hear oral argument in the flesh for the first time since the COVID-19 lockdown. All wearing identical light blue face … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 1 Comment

Not your law office? Click here.

“Star Trek” is of course a metaphor for office life, where creatures from different galaxies have to tolerate one another to keep the spaceship going. Can you identify these species?:        

Posted in Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 2 Comments

“Pray for Trump”

A friend spotted this bumper sticker: “Pray for Trump. Psalm 109:8.” Being an alert attorney and law professor, she naturally checked the cite. The verse is: “Let his days be few and another take his office.”

Posted in Humor | Tagged | 3 Comments

Easter Bunny convicted of kidnapping, trafficking

Defendant E. Bunny appeals her conviction of kidnapping of minors, trafficking and disorderly conduct. For the reasons stated below, we affirm. Contrary to defendant’s laughable argument, her arrest was entirely lawful. Police Officer Cluck credibly testified that based on his … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 5 Comments

Courts should take a tip from the Dept. of Agriculture

Reasonable people can disagree about GMO (genetically modified organism) food production. You can take the word of the multi-billion dollar agrichemical behemoths like Monsanto who deny its damaging effects on the environment, human health and the livelihoods of farmers and who go to … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Appellate Squawk’s Radiant Institute of Continuing Legal Education

Addition and Subtraction for Attorneys  Explore the mysteries of arithmetic in this empowering seminar guaranteed to improve your ability to calculate everything from billable hours to SORA points. Prerequisite: Introduction to Counting. How to Use Comas and Other Punctuation The nuts and … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 8 Comments

President Trump takes to the street

We donated a dollar and he blew us a kiss. P.S. Squawk has gone legit! See us in “The Crime Report,” the online zine of John Jay College of Criminal Justice.    

Posted in Humor, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | Tagged | Leave a comment

Squawk is interrogated

Lenny Bruce complained that cops would go to his show, write down every word of his routine and then read it aloud in the Grand Jury, completely ruining his lines. Although not remotely in the league of that great iconoclast, we … Continue reading

Posted in Civil Liberties, Humor, Satire and parody | 16 Comments

When is parody a crime? When nobody gets it.

One of the most volatile controversies of our time is whether the Dead Sea Scrolls were written by the Essenes, an ascetic community living around 100 B.C.  Given the public’s strong feelings on the question, it was only a matter … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Law & Parody | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Thoughtfully prosecuting your client

Recently received from our employer (we’re not making this up): “[Public Defender] urges and expects employees to report harassing and discriminatory behavior of third parties, including clients. . . . Rest assured that the response of [Public Defender] to clients who engage in … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, Humor, Law & Parody | 3 Comments

Are you a cissy?

One of the many annoyances of being accused of a crime is having to put up with humiliating questions from your lawyer. Like, “Was your grandmother a drug addict?” “When was the last time you had sex?” or “Do you … Continue reading

Posted in Civil Liberties, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 13 Comments

Powerpoint for the defense

Prosecutors see nothing wrong with summing up with Powerpoint like this: Well, two can play this game. Here are some handy graphics for defense summations:    

Posted in Criminal law, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 1 Comment

How to describe judicial decisionmaking without being held in contempt

The biggest challenge of appellate writing is figuring out how to convey without actually saying so that the trial judge was an uninformed barnacle.  Especially when the standard of review is that the judge is always right.  The appellate squawker … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 3 Comments

From the archives: Judge Rakoff on graffiti and Oedipus Rex

From “The Villager,” August 24, 2005 Chelsea graffiti party Federal Judge Jed S. Rakoff on Monday ordered the Bloomberg administration to reinstate a permit for a Wed. Aug. 24 Chelsea block party featuring the painting of graffiti on mock subway … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Judges | 1 Comment

DOJ recommends new photo array procedures: no hints allowed.

The U.S. Department of Justice has issued new recommendations  for photo arrays – when cops show a witness the suspect’s photo along with photos of five other guys and ask which one is the perp.  The DOJ thinks it would look … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, eyewitness identification, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 2 Comments

Happy New Year from the compassionate NYPD

Posted in Humor, Photos | 1 Comment

Santa Claus is Level 3

Scene: SORA hearing in front of Judge Dudgeon Bludgeon. ADA Tightskirt: Judge, Mr. Claus should be adjudicated a Level 3 maximum risk sex offender. He’s a recidivist sexually motivated burglar. Santa Claus: (appearing pro se) Nonsense! I’ve never had any trouble … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons, SORA | Tagged | 4 Comments

Vwar deer or vor dire? A guest post from the Public Defender of Harris Co., Texas

Alex Bunin founded the first and only public defender’s office in Houston, Texas, replacing the traditional folk custom of appointment-by-donation-to-the-judge’s-campaign. Asked in an interview with Simple Justice how he was received by the Jumbo State’s legal establishment, Alex said, “The biggest obstacle … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, Humor, Law, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Is your brief turgid and prolix?

Judges are always complaining that appellate briefs are too long or, as Judge Saxe wrote in the NY Law Journal, “turgid and prolix.” As the Emperor told Mozart: “Too many notes.” Now they’ve resolved to take up arms against this … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 2 Comments

Squawk is sent to PC training — again.

Once again, as part of the new “compassionate, client-centered”  ideology, the Great Dictator decreed that we attend another compulsory thought-reform program. This time it was about sex. We learned that according to correct thinking, it’s only mindless conformists who allow … Continue reading

Posted in Civil Liberties, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 2 Comments