Category Archives: Law & Parody

Why do cops lie? Because judges believe them.

Posted on July 5, 2020 by

  Cops fibbing on the witness stand is so normal, there’s even a name for it: testilying. Or in mixed-metaphor legalese, “tailoring their testimony to overcome constitutional objections.” A little exaggeration here, a few omissions there. Why not, when they … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 5 Comments

Courts to replace juries with potted plants

Posted on June 27, 2020 by

In a move to reopen the courts with all due COVID-19 precautions, Chief Judge Bludgeon has taken a tip from a recent performance at Barcelona’s Gran Teatre del Lieu, where the audience was replaced with potted plants: The concert was … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Sexual thoughts and the First Amendment

Posted on June 14, 2020 by

Mr. Bacon, a guest of the government at Ray Brook Federal Correctional Institution, wrote to his sister about the guards, “There is only one Black Woman here. I believe she is an Indian. She is very beautiful and healthy. I … Continue reading →

Posted in First Amendment, Law & Parody, Prisoners' rights | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

COVID-19 masks for judges

Posted on June 5, 2020 by

From a social distance of 150 miles away, we watched NY’s highest state court judges marching into the courtroom to hear oral argument in the flesh for the first time since the COVID-19 lockdown. All wearing identical light blue face … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 1 Comment

Judges in trouble

Posted on May 31, 2020 by

What are the grounds for removing a judge from the bench?  A sadistic penchant for harsh sentences? Ignorance of the law? Telling a defendant in front of the jury that if he wants to deny guilt he has to get … Continue reading →

Posted in Judges, Law & Parody | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Hell hath no fury like a client scorned

Posted on May 30, 2020 by

After 3 months of COVID-19 “pause,” the NY Court of Appeals has announced a return to hearing oral arguments in the flesh “with appropriate safety protocols.” We envision them hanging batlike from the ceiling. A couple of lawfirm biggies applauded … Continue reading →

Posted in Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , | Leave a comment

“Don’t you dare invite me to your stupid Zoom party!”

Posted on May 21, 2020 by

An opinion piece grumbles that our socially distanced lives have become overstuffed with Zoom events, “a tedious trend that needs to stop.” And don’t you invite us to your stupid Zoom office meetings neither.  Scientific studies by Dr. Google have conclusively shown that … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal procedure, Law & Parody | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Janitors, Catholic schoolteachers and the Hosanna exception

Posted on May 15, 2020 by

A few years back, a less endearing janitor than Archie’s Mr. Svenson got fired from his job at a synagogue. Not only was he not waxing half the floors, he was doing a lousy job of constructing the annual succot … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Supreme Court hears robocall case, flushes toilet

Posted on May 8, 2020 by

HELLO! This is the U.S. Supreme Court reminding you that even in these difficult times we continue to supply you with the same high quality products we’ve been proudly serving up for the last 200 years. Whether it’s premium strict … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Squawk under house arrest

Posted on March 16, 2020 by

Boomer Friend: Don’t worry, the virus kills mostly the elderly. Squawk: But we’re the elderly! Boomer Friend: So we are! I forgot. We feel like we’re back in 9/11 (when we were right next to the Towers).  Calling friends: “I’m alive, are … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody | Tagged | 3 Comments

Must be true, says so right here in the Probation Report

Posted on March 13, 2020 by

Who needs satire when we have the news? The world closing down around us, Governor Cuomo proudly shilling a hand sanitizer for being cheaper than Brand X and smelling like tulips (the hand sanitizer, that is). Brought to us by … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

The Sex Offender Bus

Posted on January 12, 2020 by

Last week the Guv issued a proposal to fix NYC’s crummy public transport by banning Level 3 sex offenders from using it.  This is apparently aimed at guys on crowded subways who can’t keep their hands and other appendages to themselves. Well, … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons, SORA | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Head for the hills, discovery reform arrives with the New Year!

Posted on December 31, 2019 by

New Year 2020 is upon us, and we all know what that means: [chiller typeface] the new discovery laws take effect! “Discovery” is legal jargon for letting the accused know who’s accusing him-or-her of what. It means, if you remember … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody | Tagged , | 5 Comments

Annals of Social Injustice: Affluent People Drinking Rosé in Central Park

Posted on December 29, 2019 by

You have four felonies and a slew of misdemeanors under your belt. Being a New Yorker, it hasn’t escaped your attention that there are lots of cops in Times Square, not to mention a precinct house under a gigantic neon sign … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Is it silly to demand transparency from appellate courts?

Posted on December 24, 2019 by

We’re always grousing about how courts deny our appeals without reading our briefs, but a recent Supreme Court cert denial showed that’s a heap of ol’ catfish compared to what goes on in Louisiana. The scandal broke back in May, … Continue reading →

Posted in Appellate advocacy, Criminal Defense Appeals, Criminal procedure, Judges, Law & Parody | Tagged , | 2 Comments

“Your question has nothing to do with this case, Judge.”

Posted on December 21, 2019 by

How many times have you sat through the judges’ introductory blabberation at oral argument about how you’d better make it snappy because “We’ve read your briefs” and “We actually do know the law” (dutiful laugh from the sycophants), only to … Continue reading →

Posted in Appellate advocacy, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 3 Comments

Not your law office? Click here.

Posted on December 15, 2019 by

“Star Trek” is of course a metaphor for office life, where creatures from different galaxies have to tolerate one another to keep the spaceship going. Can you identify these species?:        

Posted in Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 2 Comments

Let’s keep dogs off the witness stand.

Posted on December 6, 2019 by

The news video in our office elevator, appropriately called “Captivate Network,”  recently announced that the San Francisco Airport has appointed a pig named LiLou as its official therapy animal. LiLou, who wears a tutu and plays a toy piano, is … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 6 Comments

Forget speed dating, try jury duty!

Posted on November 22, 2019 by

Still searching for that special someone? Jury duty is here to help! Jury trial as romantic opportunity was first explored in Gilbert & Sullivan’s “Trial By Jury,” where the Learned Judge resolves the dilemma (spoiler alert) by offering to marry … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody | 6 Comments

Life in non-punitive therapeutic civil commitment is not what you think

Posted on October 31, 2019 by

Jimmy Pesci, author and publisher of the outlawed blog Duck Soup and its successor FCCC Instigator, is one of 6,000 men in this country who, after completing their sentences, are being held indefinitely behind locked doors and razor-wire fences while the … Continue reading →

Posted in Civil Liberties, First Amendment, Law & Parody, Prisoners' rights | Tagged | Leave a comment