Category Archives: Satire and parody

Appellate Judges to be Replaced by ChatGPT

Posted on January 12, 2023 by Appellate Squawk

Official Photograph of the Judges of the New Appellate Court Ushering in the most revolutionary innovation in legal drafting since dispensing with cuneiforms on clay tablets, the Administrator of Court Administration announced today that appellate judges will be replaced by … Continue reading →

Posted in Appellate advocacy, Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Judges, Law, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | 8 Comments

The Busywork Conspiracy

Posted on November 17, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

How come whenever they tell you, “We’re moving into the 21st Century,” it means more forms to fill out, more “reminders” maddeningly blinking on your screen, “updated” computer programs that take five steps to do what used to take a … Continue reading →

Posted in Satire and parody | 3 Comments

Fox snarls at pursuing hounds, is shot for bullying behavior

Posted on July 28, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

In another victory for “the offended” over our blog post from two years ago, Are You a Cissy? the boss has condemned us to a course of treatment by Corporate Counseling Associates (“CCA”).  The boss has now added “bullying” to our … Continue reading →

Posted in Civil Liberties, Satire and parody | Tagged | 3 Comments

“Justice in every borough”

Posted on May 24, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

The other day we were glumly printing out a closing letter to a client: “Court of Appeals denied leave . . . end of the line. . .  wishing you the best for the future,” when we noticed something new on … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Satire and parody | 3 Comments

Prison Sex Offender Treatment vs. The Fifth

Posted on May 5, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

“Confess and be saved” and its corollary, “Refuse to confess and be damned” have been the bedrock of the sinner rehabilitation industry, from the Inquisition to prison sex offender  “treatment” programs.  If the treatee refuses to confess to uncharged, unknown, … Continue reading →

Posted in Prisoners' rights, Satire and parody, Satirical cartoons, sex offenders | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

What is ineffective assistance of appellate counsel?

Posted on April 1, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat and swallow a camel. — Matthew 23: 24. In an unusual burst of candor, New York’s highest court recently confessed to what we’ve always suspected: if your appeal is a loser, it … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | 5 Comments

At the movies: Woman at War

Posted on March 16, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

The other day we went to see “Woman at War  at the local arthouse. Shazzam! Under the façade of  a respectable, middle-aged chorus director lurks Halla, a ninja eco-saboteur toppling electric pylons with a bow and arrow. Pursued across the … Continue reading →

Posted in Satire and parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Are your politics acceptable to your cabdriver?

Posted on November 19, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

As Rumpole of the Bailey would tell his clients, a public defender is “a taxi plying for hire,” making him “duty bound to take on any client, however repellent.” But the taxi comparison is no longer operable, now that cabdrivers … Continue reading →

Posted in Civil Liberties, Satire and parody | 1 Comment

How to get judges to read your brief

Posted on August 8, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

Judge Saxe is at it again, handing out more advice about appellate briefwriting.  “The reply brief is an important document,” he pronounces.  It’s “the last word” that the judges will read. It should consist of “short, declarative, punchy sentences.” Based … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Judges, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | Tagged , | 10 Comments

The ban on “sex offender” art

Posted on July 15, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

“Leaving the artwork up could serve as a trigger for our students and staff who have been victims of child abuse and sexual assault. Since the display is at the campus main entrance where our students and staff are required … Continue reading →

Posted in Civil Liberties, Satire and parody, SORA | 15 Comments

Criminal defense vs. “social justice”

Posted on July 4, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

A recent communiqué from HR casually let fall that we’re now a “social justice organization” dedicated to the interests of “the most vulnerable.” And all these years we thought we were a public defender! We feel like the hero of Kafka’s … Continue reading →

Posted in Civil Liberties, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | 22 Comments

Courts should take a tip from the Dept. of Agriculture

Posted on July 1, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

Reasonable people can disagree about GMO (genetically modified organism) food production. You can take the word of the multi-billion dollar agrichemical behemoths like Monsanto who deny its damaging effects on the environment, human health and the livelihoods of farmers and who go to … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | Tagged , | 2 Comments

The ACLU uncompromisingly defends free speech — unless it’s offensive.

Posted on June 24, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

Why is everybody so down on the poor old ACLU just because of an internal memo proclaiming its zealous defense of free speech unless it offends vulnerable and marginalized minorities?  Even the NY Post joined the affray, moaning, “ACLU Stops Caring About Free … Continue reading →

Posted in Civil Liberties, First Amendment, Satire and parody | Tagged | 9 Comments

“The Constitution does not require Florida to join New York in la-la-land.”

Posted on May 24, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

Whenever a court invokes the old saw that constitutional rights can’t be stopped at the prison gate, it’s even money that the court is just about to do exactly that. The latest is the 11th Circuit’s upholding of the Florida … Continue reading →

Posted in First Amendment, Prisoners' rights, Satire and parody | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Punch & Judy’s easy answers to everything

Posted on February 3, 2018 by Appellate Squawk
Posted in Satire and parody, Satirical cartoons | 3 Comments

Trigger warnings for courtrooms

Posted on January 29, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

“We understand that even the thought of an individual coming to campus with the views that Mr. Shapiro [a twerpy  conservative political commentator] expresses can be concerning and even hurtful and that’s why we wanted to make you aware as … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal procedure, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Chief Judge orders prosecutors not to be crooked and defense lawyers not to be incompetent

Posted on November 13, 2017 by Appellate Squawk

The Chief Judge adopted the “groundbreaking recommendation” of the  NY State Justice Task Force Report  that from Jan. 1,  all New York State trial judges must issue an order in every criminal case directing prosecutors to disclose evidence helpful to the … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody, Satire and parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | Leave a comment

President Trump takes to the street

Posted on October 16, 2017 by Appellate Squawk

We donated a dollar and he blew us a kiss. P.S. Squawk has gone legit! See us in “The Crime Report,” the online zine of John Jay College of Criminal Justice.    

Posted in Humor, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | Tagged | Leave a comment

Squawk is interrogated

Posted on September 30, 2017 by Appellate Squawk

Lenny Bruce complained that cops would go to his show, write down every word of his routine and then read it aloud in the Grand Jury, completely ruining his lines. Although not remotely in the league of that great iconoclast, we … Continue reading →

Posted in Civil Liberties, Humor, Satire and parody | 16 Comments

Let’s remove offensive statues from Central Park

Posted on September 13, 2017 by Appellate Squawk

Inspired by a recent video of students pulling down, kicking and spitting on a statue of a Confederate soldier, we took a tour of inspection to similarly purge Central Park.  The first offender we came across was Alice in Wonderland: … Continue reading →

Posted in Satire and parody | 6 Comments