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If the facts don't fit "the narrative," too bad for the facts.
Today’s Quote
The Penal Law is not a book of etiquette. — People v. Hogan (dismissing harassment charge against defendant for calling his wife a fucking bitch during quarrel).
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Recent Posts
- Squawk goes to Washington
- “Justice in every borough”
- Big Brother remembers your face
- Prison Sex Offender Treatment vs. The Fifth
- Easter Bunny convicted of kidnapping, trafficking
- Is it legal to threaten to behead the Chief Clerk of the Court?
- What is ineffective assistance of appellate counsel?
- At the movies: Woman at War
- Squawk is condemned
- Justice Thomas decries Court’s latest “defendant-always-wins” rule
- Let’s make suppression hearings great again!
- Chief to judges: dissent at your own risk.
- Is a trial a search for the truth?
- Ineffective Assistance of Counsel, Aussie Style
- Being fair to Fairstein
- The solution to courtroom delays: hockey pucks
- Are your politics acceptable to your cabdriver?
- How to keep your employees safe and happy: give them guns for Christmas
- Everything you’ve ever wanted to say to a judge but had sense enough not to.
- The Presumption of Innocence, “Sleeping on One’s Rights” and Fundamental Fairness
- New labels for old
- Judge Kavanaugh’s crickets
- Queens judges say the darndest things
- Granny stun-gunned for gathering dandelions
- Albany prosecutor fired for secretly writing defense briefs
- Masterpiece Cakeshop refuses birthday cake for Satan
- How to get judges to read your brief
- Linda Fairstein: Central Park Five guilty as charged
- Sentencing Sheldon Silver
- The ban on “sex offender” art
- Criminal defense vs. “social justice”
- Courts should take a tip from the Dept. of Agriculture
- The ACLU uncompromisingly defends free speech — unless it’s offensive.
- Judge Bludgeon rules on cyberbullying
- Cake, religion and Summa [obscenity deleted] Laude
- Stalkers of Lady Justice
- Quality clobbering at Rikers
- “The Constitution does not require Florida to join New York in la-la-land.”
- OMG!! What’s so reliable about excited utterance?
- Exiled statues find asylum in Green-Wood Cemetery
- The Court of Appeals believes the victim (even when the jury doesn’t)
- “Thrusting counsel upon the accused against his considered wish”
- Bronx judge finds solution to trial delays: eliminate attorneys
- Appellate Squawk celebrates National Poetry Month
- The ultimate bail reform: shoot the client
- Relax, baby, I’m gay.
- Deadly meteor expected to demolish Earth any minute
- Appellate Squawk’s Radiant Institute of Continuing Legal Education
- ICE, ICE, baby!*
- Punch & Judy’s easy answers to everything
- Follow Appellate Squawk on WordPress.com
Category Archives: Satire and parody
“Justice in every borough”
The other day we were glumly printing out a closing letter to a client: “Court of Appeals denied leave . . . end of the line. . . wishing you the best for the future,” when we noticed something new on … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Satire and parody
2 Comments
Prison Sex Offender Treatment vs. The Fifth
Remember the Inquisition where you could either deny your guilt and get burned at the stake, or confess and get burned at the stake? The idea was that since confessing saves you from eternal damnation, the Inquisition was simply a … Continue reading
What is ineffective assistance of appellate counsel?
Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat and swallow a camel. — Matthew 23: 24. In an unusual burst of candor, New York’s highest court recently confessed to what we’ve always suspected: if your appeal is a loser, it … Continue reading
At the movies: Woman at War
What should you do when your boss wants to fire you, you can’t get your old job back at Dairy Queen, and your retirement savings are good for the rest of your life provided you drop dead pretty soon? Answer: … Continue reading
Posted in Satire and parody, Satirical cartoons
Tagged Halldora Geirhardsdottir, Iceland, Woman at War
1 Comment
Are your politics acceptable to your cabdriver?
Our fictitious hero Rumpole of the Bailey liked to say that a public defender is “a taxi plying for hire,” bluntly explaining to his clients that he was “duty bound to take on any client, however repellent.” But his taxi metaphor … Continue reading
Posted in Civil Liberties, Satire and parody
1 Comment
How to get judges to read your brief
Judge Saxe is at it again, handing out more smug advice about appellate briefwriting. “The reply brief is an important document,” he intones. It’s “the last word” that the judges will read. It should consist of “short, declarative, punchy sentences.” Based on “abundant … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Judges, Law & Parody, Satire and parody
Tagged Appellate advocacy, Justice Ginsberg
9 Comments
The ban on “sex offender” art
“Leaving the artwork up could serve as a trigger for our students and staff who have been victims of child abuse and sexual assault. Since the display is at the campus main entrance where our students and staff are required … Continue reading
Posted in Civil Liberties, Satire and parody, SORA
14 Comments
