Category Archives: Satirical cartoons

Outdoor Public Defending

Posted on July 14, 2020 by Appellate Squawk

Now in the 5th month of the COVID-19 shelter-in-place era, our Guv (“I live alone with a dog and we’re getting pretty sick of each other”) has just reinstated the ban on indoor public dining. Meanwhile the courts, which have … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Why do cops lie? Because judges believe them.

Posted on July 5, 2020 by Appellate Squawk

  Cops fibbing on the witness stand is so normal, there’s even a name for it: testilying. Or in mixed-metaphor legalese, “tailoring their testimony to overcome constitutional objections.” A little exaggeration here, a few omissions there. Why not, when they … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 5 Comments

Courts to replace juries with potted plants

Posted on June 27, 2020 by Appellate Squawk

In a move to reopen the courts with all due COVID-19 precautions, Chief Judge Bludgeon has taken a tip from a recent performance at Barcelona’s Gran Teatre del Lieu, where the audience was replaced with potted plants: The concert was … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , | 2 Comments

COVID-19 masks for judges

Posted on June 5, 2020 by Appellate Squawk

From a social distance of 150 miles away, we watched NY’s highest state court judges marching into the courtroom to hear oral argument in the flesh for the first time since the COVID-19 lockdown. All wearing identical light blue face … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 1 Comment

Hell hath no fury like a client scorned

Posted on May 30, 2020 by Appellate Squawk

After 3 months of COVID-19 “pause,” the NY Court of Appeals has announced a return to hearing oral arguments in the flesh “with appropriate safety protocols.” We envision them hanging batlike from the ceiling. A couple of lawfirm biggies applauded … Continue reading →

Posted in Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Sex Offender Bus

Posted on January 12, 2020 by Appellate Squawk

Last week the Guv issued a proposal to fix NYC’s crummy public transport by banning Level 3 sex offenders from using it.  This is apparently aimed at guys on crowded subways who can’t keep their hands and other appendages to themselves. Well, … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons, SORA | Tagged , | 3 Comments

“Your question has nothing to do with this case, Judge.”

Posted on December 21, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

How many times have you sat through the judges’ introductory blabberation at oral argument about how you’d better make it snappy because “We’ve read your briefs” and “We actually do know the law” (dutiful laugh from the sycophants), only to … Continue reading →

Posted in Appellate advocacy, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 3 Comments

Not your law office? Click here.

Posted on December 15, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

“Star Trek” is of course a metaphor for office life, where creatures from different galaxies have to tolerate one another to keep the spaceship going. Can you identify these species?:        

Posted in Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 2 Comments

Let’s keep dogs off the witness stand.

Posted on December 6, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

The news video in our office elevator, appropriately called “Captivate Network,”  recently announced that the San Francisco Airport has appointed a pig named LiLou as its official therapy animal. LiLou, who wears a tutu and plays a toy piano, is … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 6 Comments

Is it a crime to sleep it off in your car?

Posted on October 22, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

It was a great party, but when you get into your car, you realize you drank more than you thought. No worries. You switch on the heat or the AC, crank up your favorite radio station, close your eyes and … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal law, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 8 Comments

Prison Sex Offender Treatment vs. The Fifth

Posted on May 5, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

“Confess and be saved” and its corollary, “Refuse to confess and be damned” have been the bedrock of the sinner rehabilitation industry, from the Inquisition to prison sex offender  “treatment” programs.  If the treatee refuses to confess to uncharged, unknown, … Continue reading →

Posted in Prisoners' rights, Satire and parody, Satirical cartoons, sex offenders | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Easter Bunny convicted of kidnapping, trafficking

Posted on April 20, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

Defendant E. Bunny appeals her conviction of kidnapping of minors, trafficking and disorderly conduct. For the reasons stated below, we affirm. Contrary to defendant’s laughable argument, her arrest was entirely lawful. Police Officer Cluck credibly testified that based on his … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 5 Comments

At the movies: Woman at War

Posted on March 16, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

The other day we went to see “Woman at War  at the local arthouse. Shazzam! Under the façade of  a respectable, middle-aged chorus director lurks Halla, a ninja eco-saboteur toppling electric pylons with a bow and arrow. Pursued across the … Continue reading →

Posted in Satire and parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Squawk is condemned

Posted on March 10, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

  A couple of years ago we published “Are you a cissy?” , a spoof of a compulsory training inflicted on us by the boss’s wife who announced a mandatory policy of quizzing our clients about gender issues. On first contact, no … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 13 Comments

Justice Thomas decries Court’s latest “defendant-always-wins” rule

Posted on March 2, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

 Our company boss-persons recently decreed that the office’s 50-year archive of vintage appellate briefs must go. We sadly watched as giant blue bins were loaded to the brim with typewritten pre-computer gems of scholarship and advocacy, condemned to be recycled … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Let’s make suppression hearings great again!

Posted on February 3, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

   . . . even if they never were. (This is a re-creation. Yesterday’s post disappeared under mysterious circumstances after being published). Ever since Justice Frankfurter’s outraged account of the Sacco and Vanzetti case (a marvelous model brief on how … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal procedure, Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 3 Comments

Chief to judges: dissent at your own risk.

Posted on January 26, 2019 by Appellate Squawk

Does your boss stifle dissent? You’re not alone! The fearless Judge Saxe, retired from the First Department, reveals that Chief Judge Flowerpot refuses to let judges stay past retirement age if they’ve written too many unsuccessful dissents. Used to be that … Continue reading →

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 2 Comments

The solution to courtroom delays: hockey pucks

Posted on November 28, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

In a move to defend against school shootings, a Michigan college is distributing hockey pucks to its faculty. Hockey pucks, or biscuits, as they’re known to the cognoscenti, are “easy to carry, heavy and tend to cause a distraction when thrown,” explained … Continue reading →

Posted in Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 1 Comment

Everything you’ve ever wanted to say to a judge but had sense enough not to.

Posted on October 13, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

Don’t pretend you’ve never been tempted to respond like this when you get a bad decision from a court: I find it hard to believe that after the Court had the motion for 5 months to decide, that it could … Continue reading →

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Leave a comment

Queens judges say the darndest things

Posted on September 22, 2018 by Appellate Squawk

Welcome to Queens, birthplace of the Mets, Weight Watchers and President Trump. Where, if you’re on trial for a crime, the prosecutor is likely to be the judge’s kid. Picture this: Prosecutor: Objection. Judge: Overruled. Prosecutor: Dad-dy! Judge: Oh, all … Continue reading →

Posted in Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | Leave a comment