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Judge Wool says
“Truth comes knocking at the door and everybody jumps out the window.” — Bill Cosby
- People’s briefs and other horror fiction
- “My pronouns are sheehurr… so yours would be?”
- May it really, really displease the court
- Defending the Second Amendment
- May It Displease the Court
- Covid in the Courtrooms: an Unnecessary Risk
- Judge Jack Weinstein 1921-2021
- In-Person Oral Argument Should Go the Way of the Dodo
- Convicting Bill Cosby: “An Unconstitutional Coercive Bait-and-Switch”
- Judge Conviser rips into SORA
- Adios, 2020!
- THE BEST OF APPELLATE SQUAWK 2010-2020
- Call a rose by any other name and it’ll see you in court
- Try the new high-tech system for alienating your clients
- Outdoor Public Defending
- Why do cops lie? Because judges believe them.
- Courts to replace juries with potted plants
- Do Statues Matter?
- Sexual thoughts and the First Amendment
- COVID-19 masks for judges
- Judges in trouble
- Hell hath no fury like a client scorned
- “Don’t you dare invite me to your stupid Zoom party!”
- Janitors, Catholic schoolteachers and the Hosanna exception
- Supreme Court hears robocall case, flushes toilet
- “Planet of the Humans”
- The virus, like the rain, falleth on the just and the unjust
- The NYC arraignment scandal: part 2
- NYC courtrooms: the arraignment scandal
- Squawk under house arrest
- Must be true, says so right here in the Probation Report
- Discovery reform in Brooklyn: fuggetabout WitCom
- Happy Lunar New Year 2020: Year of the Rat
- The Sex Offender Bus
- Head for the hills, discovery reform arrives with the New Year!
- Annals of Social Injustice: Affluent People Drinking Rosé in Central Park
- Is it silly to demand transparency from appellate courts?
- “Your question has nothing to do with this case, Judge.”
- Not your law office? Click here.
- Let’s keep dogs off the witness stand.
- Forget speed dating, try jury duty!
- The Busywork Conspiracy
- Life in non-punitive therapeutic civil commitment is not what you think
- Buster the civil commitment dog
- Is it a crime to sleep it off in your car?
- What really happens in court: the unvarnished truth
- Putting the brakes on “victims’ rights”
- Maestro James Levine (somewhat) rehabilitated
- The Compulsory Program Mystique
- Fox snarls at pursuing hounds, is shot for bullying behavior
- Follow Appellate Squawk on WordPress.com
Category Archives: Satirical cartoons
Now in the 5th month of the COVID-19 shelter-in-place era, our Guv (“I live alone with a dog and we’re getting pretty sick of each other”) has just reinstated the ban on indoor public dining. Meanwhile the courts, which have … Continue reading
Cops fibbing on the witness stand is so normal, there’s even a name for it: testilying. Or in mixed-metaphor legalese, “tailoring their testimony to overcome constitutional objections.” A little exaggeration here, a few omissions there. Why not, when they … Continue reading
In a move to reopen the courts with all due COVID-19 precautions, Chief Judge Bludgeon has taken a tip from a recent performance at Barcelona’s Gran Teatre del Lieu, where the audience was replaced with potted plants: The concert was … Continue reading
From a social distance of 150 miles away, we watched NY’s highest state court judges marching into the courtroom to hear oral argument in the flesh for the first time since the COVID-19 lockdown. All wearing identical light blue face … Continue reading
After 3 months of COVID-19 “pause,” the NY Court of Appeals has announced a return to hearing oral arguments in the flesh “with appropriate safety protocols.” We envision them hanging batlike from the ceiling. A couple of lawfirm biggies applauded … Continue reading
Last week the Guv issued a proposal to fix NYC’s crummy public transport by banning Level 3 sex offenders from using it. This is apparently aimed at guys on crowded subways who can’t keep their hands and other appendages to themselves. Well, … Continue reading
How many times have you sat through the judges’ introductory blabberation at oral argument about how you’d better make it snappy because “We’ve read your briefs” and “We actually do know the law” (dutiful laugh from the sycophants), only to … Continue reading
“Star Trek” is of course a metaphor for office life, where creatures from different galaxies have to tolerate one another to keep the spaceship going. Can you identify these species?:
The news video in our office elevator, appropriately called “Captivate Network,” recently announced that the San Francisco Airport has appointed a pig named LiLou as its official therapy animal. LiLou, who wears a tutu and plays a toy piano, is … Continue reading
It was a great party, but when you get into your car, you realize you drank more than you thought. No worries. You switch on the heat or the AC, crank up your favorite radio station, close your eyes and … Continue reading
“Confess and be saved” and its corollary, “Refuse to confess and be damned” have been the bedrock of the sinner rehabilitation industry, from the Inquisition to prison sex offender “treatment” programs. If the treatee refuses to confess to uncharged, unknown, … Continue reading
Defendant E. Bunny appeals her conviction of kidnapping of minors, trafficking and disorderly conduct. For the reasons stated below, we affirm. Contrary to defendant’s laughable argument, her arrest was entirely lawful. Police Officer Cluck credibly testified that based on his … Continue reading
The other day we went to see “Woman at War at the local arthouse. Shazzam! Under the façade of a respectable, middle-aged chorus director lurks Halla, a ninja eco-saboteur toppling electric pylons with a bow and arrow. Pursued across the … Continue reading
A couple of years ago we published “Are you a cissy?” , a spoof of a compulsory training inflicted on us by the boss’s wife who announced a mandatory policy of quizzing our clients about gender issues. On first contact, no … Continue reading
Our company boss-persons recently decreed that the office’s 50-year archive of vintage appellate briefs must go. We sadly watched as giant blue bins were loaded to the brim with typewritten pre-computer gems of scholarship and advocacy, condemned to be recycled … Continue reading
. . . even if they never were. (This is a re-creation. Yesterday’s post disappeared under mysterious circumstances after being published). Ever since Justice Frankfurter’s outraged account of the Sacco and Vanzetti case (a marvelous model brief on how … Continue reading
Does your boss stifle dissent? You’re not alone! The fearless Judge Saxe, retired from the First Department, reveals that Chief Judge Flowerpot refuses to let judges stay past retirement age if they’ve written too many unsuccessful dissents. Used to be that … Continue reading
In a move to defend against school shootings, a Michigan college is distributing hockey pucks to its faculty. Hockey pucks, or biscuits, as they’re known to the cognoscenti, are “easy to carry, heavy and tend to cause a distraction when thrown,” explained … Continue reading
Don’t pretend you’ve never been tempted to respond like this when you get a bad decision from a court: I find it hard to believe that after the Court had the motion for 5 months to decide, that it could … Continue reading
Welcome to Queens, birthplace of the Mets, Weight Watchers and President Trump. Where, if you’re on trial for a crime, the prosecutor is likely to be the judge’s kid. Picture this: Prosecutor: Objection. Judge: Overruled. Prosecutor: Dad-dy! Judge: Oh, all … Continue reading