Tag Archives: Appellate Division

How the Appellate Division reads your brief

Posted in Humor, Judges, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

“Ten ways to improve the First Department”

Recently the redoubtable Judge Saxophone came out in the NY Law Journal with a piece called  Ten Ways to Improve the First Department.  The problems it addresses are so recondite we didn’t know they existed, while the problems it doesn’t … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Judges, Law, Law & Parody | Tagged , | 3 Comments

The appellate advocacy board game

Hone your skills with the fun and educational Appellate Advocacy Board Game ™, now on sale at the Court of Appeals gift shop. Let’s roll the dice and get started! 1. Monday morning find brand new file on your desk.  A 7,000-page trial … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

The Appellate Division vs. bicycles

The Appellate Division “threw a tantrum,”  the NY Post reports, when the City had the effrontery to put a bike station in front of the Manhattan courthouse, depriving Presiding Justice Luis Gonzalez of his self-appointed parking space. “In this particular … Continue reading

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Bronx judge censured over potted plant

Even those of you who didn’t watch the Iran-Contra hearings, whether because of not being born yet or some other excuse, have heard of the heroic comeback, “I’m not a potted plant, I’m here as the lawyer, that’s my job!” … Continue reading

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Advice from a talking paper clip

Microsoft Word’s goggle-eyed, busybody talking paperclip (“It looks like you’re writing a letter – Would you like help?”) has finally got its comeuppance, thanks to It Looks Like You’re Trying to Instruct a Jury, Norm DeGuerre’s hilarious sendup of eyeglazing … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Courts to implement new Kwik-Affirm (c) software for criminal appeals

In a bold move aimed at conserving scarce judicial resources, the Appellate Division announced that its traditional rubber stamp method of deciding criminal appeals will shortly be replaced by Kwik-Affirm (c),  an innovative software program that scans entire defense briefs at … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

“Dear Judicial Ethics Committee,”

A little-noticed feature of the estimable NY Law Journal is the advice column for judges entitled “Judicial Ethics” nestled in the back pages between “Recent Developments in Scaffolding Law” and “Limited Liability Entities.” If you liked “Dear Abby” you’ll find … Continue reading

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Murder at the Appellate Division

It was a dark and stormy night in the City that Never Sleeps unless Medicated. “I say, beastly weather, what?” mumbled old Westcott Wainscott, passing around a decanter of sherry to his friends gathered in his modest but comfortable study … Continue reading

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The Bambi’s mother school of criminal defense

In the latest issue of The Champion magazine, the President of the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers exhorts the membership to follow the mandate of Bambi’s mother, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” At … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, Law & Parody | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Squawk is bummed

Years ago when we were so shy we could barely even talk to ourselves let alone to strangers we got a summer job calling up people to ask if they’d like to sign up for 6 weeks of ballroom dancing … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, Law & Parody | Tagged , | 7 Comments

Judge Wool on oral argument

A few years ago Justice Milonas after leaving the Appellate Division gave a talk to a group of appellate squawkers. He told us – with no idea that there was anything strange about it – that in criminal cases the … Continue reading

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November is Appellate Brief Awareness Month

The New York Association for the Advancement of Appellate Attorneys (NYAAAA) announced today that November is National Appellate Brief Awareness Month. Here are some helpful FAQ’s: Q. What is an appellate brief? A. Appellate briefs are those stacks of bound … Continue reading

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Occupy the Appellate Division

Last week a Marine exhorted the cops in Times Square to leave the Occupy Wall Street protestors alone. “It doesn’t make you tough to hurt these people,” Sergeant Shamar Thomas, wearing his desert camouflage and medals, shouted to a numb-faced … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Oral argument: a missing of minds

If you’re looking for truly cutting-edge experimental film, we suggest watching oral argument on closed-circuit t.v. at the Appellate Division, an alternative venue yet undiscovered by your nose-ring-wearing friends. The Second Department (they try harder) features a wide video screen, … Continue reading

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Why should a DA have to be a lawyer? In Queens, yet.

In a shocking interference with the democratic process, the Appellate Division disqualified the only opposing candidate for Queens District Attorney last week, for the silly reason that he wasn’t a lawyer (Panel Rules Non-Lawyer Cannot Run for Queens D.A. NYLJ … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Pity the poor prosecutor

Whenever a court declares, “It cannot be said that. . . ” it’s a dead giveaway that they’re about to say something that can very well be said. Just like when they say “clearly,” “plainly” or “obviously,” you know that … Continue reading

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The Appellate Division keeps it in the family

What’s so terrible about nepotism? Families have always worked together. Over at Vesuvio’s Dry Cleaners, which we occasionally entrust with our best and only suit, Mrs. Vesuvio regularly mans the counter whenever Mr. V. keels over from the fumes. At … Continue reading

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