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Recent Posts
- Oral argument to be replaced by Chat Bot
- 2023: Lunar New Year of the Rabbit
- The charade of appellate review
- Appellate Judges to be Replaced by ChatGPT
- ACT UP: HIV+ is not a sex offense.
- Getting AIDS from Typewriter Keys
- NY DA Supports Discrimination Against HIV+ Persons
- The Public Defender Card Game
- Maud Maron v. The Legal Aid Society
- I’m objective, thee is biased
- People’s briefs and other horror fiction
- “My pronouns are sheehurr… so yours would be?”
- May it really, really displease the court
- Defending the Second Amendment
- May It Displease the Court
- Covid in the Courtrooms: an Unnecessary Risk
- Judge Jack Weinstein 1921-2021
- In-Person Oral Argument Should Go the Way of the Dodo
- Convicting Bill Cosby: “An Unconstitutional Coercive Bait-and-Switch”
- Judge Conviser rips into SORA
- Adios, 2020!
- THE BEST OF APPELLATE SQUAWK 2010-2020
- Call a rose by any other name and it’ll see you in court
- Try the new high-tech system for alienating your clients
- Outdoor Public Defending
- Why do cops lie? Because judges believe them.
- Courts to replace juries with potted plants
- Do Statues Matter?
- Sexual thoughts and the First Amendment
- COVID-19 masks for judges
- Judges in trouble
- Hell hath no fury like a client scorned
- “Don’t you dare invite me to your stupid Zoom party!”
- Janitors, Catholic schoolteachers and the Hosanna exception
- Supreme Court hears robocall case, flushes toilet
- “Planet of the Humans”
- The virus, like the rain, falleth on the just and the unjust
- The NYC arraignment scandal: part 2
- NYC courtrooms: the arraignment scandal
- Squawk under house arrest
- Must be true, says so right here in the Probation Report
- Discovery reform in Brooklyn: fuggetabout WitCom
- Happy Lunar New Year 2020: Year of the Rat
- The Sex Offender Bus
- Head for the hills, discovery reform arrives with the New Year!
- Annals of Social Injustice: Affluent People Drinking Rosé in Central Park
- Is it silly to demand transparency from appellate courts?
- “Your question has nothing to do with this case, Judge.”
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Tag Archives: Appellate Division
How the Appellate Division reads your brief
Posted in Humor, Judges, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons
Tagged appellate briefs, Appellate Division, Appellate review, criminal appeals
3 Comments
“Ten ways to improve the First Department”
Recently the redoubtable Judge Saxophone came out in the NY Law Journal with a piece called Ten Ways to Improve the First Department. The problems it addresses are so recondite we didn’t know they existed, while the problems it doesn’t … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Judges, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate Division, First Department
3 Comments
The appellate advocacy board game
Hone your skills with the fun and educational Appellate Advocacy Board Game ™, now on sale at the Court of Appeals gift shop. Let’s roll the dice and get started! 1. Monday morning find brand new file on your desk. A 7,000-page trial … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Humor, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons
Tagged Appellate advocacy, Appellate Division, Court reporters
7 Comments
The Appellate Division vs. bicycles
The Appellate Division “threw a tantrum,” the NY Post reports, when the City had the effrontery to put a bike station in front of the Manhattan courthouse, depriving Presiding Justice Luis Gonzalez of his self-appointed parking space. “In this particular … Continue reading
Bronx judge censured over potted plant
Even those of you who didn’t watch the Iran-Contra hearings, whether because of not being born yet or some other excuse, have heard of the heroic comeback, “I’m not a potted plant, I’m here as the lawyer, that’s my job!” … Continue reading
Advice from a talking paper clip
Microsoft Word’s goggle-eyed, busybody talking paperclip (“It looks like you’re writing a letter – Would you like help?”) has finally got its comeuppance, thanks to It Looks Like You’re Trying to Instruct a Jury, Norm DeGuerre’s hilarious sendup of eyeglazing … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate Division, cold bench, Norm DeGuerre, oral argument
3 Comments
Courts to implement new Kwik-Affirm (c) software for criminal appeals
In a bold move aimed at conserving scarce judicial resources, the Appellate Division announced that its traditional rubber stamp method of deciding criminal appeals will shortly be replaced by Kwik-Affirm (c), an innovative software program that scans entire defense briefs at … Continue reading
“Dear Judicial Ethics Committee,”
A little-noticed feature of the estimable NY Law Journal is the advice column for judges entitled “Judicial Ethics” nestled in the back pages between “Recent Developments in Scaffolding Law” and “Limited Liability Entities.” If you liked “Dear Abby” you’ll find … Continue reading
Posted in Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate Division, Judicial ethics committee, NY Law Journal
2 Comments
Murder at the Appellate Division
It was a dark and stormy night in the City that Never Sleeps unless Medicated. “I say, beastly weather, what?” mumbled old Westcott Wainscott, passing around a decanter of sherry to his friends gathered in his modest but comfortable study … Continue reading
The Bambi’s mother school of criminal defense
In the latest issue of The Champion magazine, the President of the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers exhorts the membership to follow the mandate of Bambi’s mother, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” At … Continue reading
Squawk is bummed
Years ago when we were so shy we could barely even talk to ourselves let alone to strangers we got a summer job calling up people to ask if they’d like to sign up for 6 weeks of ballroom dancing … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate Division, substantial risk of death
7 Comments
Judge Wool on oral argument
A few years ago Justice Milonas after leaving the Appellate Division gave a talk to a group of appellate squawkers. He told us – with no idea that there was anything strange about it – that in criminal cases the … Continue reading
November is Appellate Brief Awareness Month
The New York Association for the Advancement of Appellate Attorneys (NYAAAA) announced today that November is National Appellate Brief Awareness Month. Here are some helpful FAQ’s: Q. What is an appellate brief? A. Appellate briefs are those stacks of bound … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged appellate briefs, Appellate Division, national awareness month
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Occupy the Appellate Division
Last week a Marine exhorted the cops in Times Square to leave the Occupy Wall Street protestors alone. “It doesn’t make you tough to hurt these people,” Sergeant Shamar Thomas, wearing his desert camouflage and medals, shouted to a numb-faced … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate Division, First Department, Occupy Wall Street, Sergeant Shamar Thomas
2 Comments
Oral argument: a missing of minds
If you’re looking for truly cutting-edge experimental film, we suggest watching oral argument on closed-circuit t.v. at the Appellate Division, an alternative venue yet undiscovered by your nose-ring-wearing friends. The Second Department (they try harder) features a wide video screen, … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate Division, Law & Parody, oral argument
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Why should a DA have to be a lawyer? In Queens, yet.
In a shocking interference with the democratic process, the Appellate Division disqualified the only opposing candidate for Queens District Attorney last week, for the silly reason that he wasn’t a lawyer (Panel Rules Non-Lawyer Cannot Run for Queens D.A. NYLJ … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate Division, Everly Brown, Judge Joel Blumenfeld, Legal ethics, Queens District Attorney
1 Comment
Pity the poor prosecutor
Whenever a court declares, “It cannot be said that. . . ” it’s a dead giveaway that they’re about to say something that can very well be said. Just like when they say “clearly,” “plainly” or “obviously,” you know that … Continue reading
The Appellate Division keeps it in the family
What’s so terrible about nepotism? Families have always worked together. Over at Vesuvio’s Dry Cleaners, which we occasionally entrust with our best and only suit, Mrs. Vesuvio regularly mans the counter whenever Mr. V. keels over from the fumes. At … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate Division, criminal appeals, Law & Parody, nepotism
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