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“Truth comes knocking at the door and everybody jumps out the window.” — Bill Cosby
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Recent Posts
- People’s briefs and other horror fiction
- “My pronouns are sheehurr… so yours would be?”
- May it really, really displease the court
- Defending the Second Amendment
- May It Displease the Court
- Covid in the Courtrooms: an Unnecessary Risk
- Judge Jack Weinstein 1921-2021
- In-Person Oral Argument Should Go the Way of the Dodo
- Convicting Bill Cosby: “An Unconstitutional Coercive Bait-and-Switch”
- Judge Conviser rips into SORA
- Adios, 2020!
- THE BEST OF APPELLATE SQUAWK 2010-2020
- Call a rose by any other name and it’ll see you in court
- Try the new high-tech system for alienating your clients
- Outdoor Public Defending
- Why do cops lie? Because judges believe them.
- Courts to replace juries with potted plants
- Do Statues Matter?
- Sexual thoughts and the First Amendment
- COVID-19 masks for judges
- Judges in trouble
- Hell hath no fury like a client scorned
- “Don’t you dare invite me to your stupid Zoom party!”
- Janitors, Catholic schoolteachers and the Hosanna exception
- Supreme Court hears robocall case, flushes toilet
- “Planet of the Humans”
- The virus, like the rain, falleth on the just and the unjust
- The NYC arraignment scandal: part 2
- NYC courtrooms: the arraignment scandal
- Squawk under house arrest
- Must be true, says so right here in the Probation Report
- Discovery reform in Brooklyn: fuggetabout WitCom
- Happy Lunar New Year 2020: Year of the Rat
- The Sex Offender Bus
- Head for the hills, discovery reform arrives with the New Year!
- Annals of Social Injustice: Affluent People Drinking Rosé in Central Park
- Is it silly to demand transparency from appellate courts?
- “Your question has nothing to do with this case, Judge.”
- Not your law office? Click here.
- Let’s keep dogs off the witness stand.
- Forget speed dating, try jury duty!
- The Busywork Conspiracy
- Life in non-punitive therapeutic civil commitment is not what you think
- Buster the civil commitment dog
- Is it a crime to sleep it off in your car?
- What really happens in court: the unvarnished truth
- Putting the brakes on “victims’ rights”
- Maestro James Levine (somewhat) rehabilitated
- The Compulsory Program Mystique
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Tag Archives: criminal appeals
How the Appellate Division reads your brief
Posted in Humor, Judges, Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons
Tagged appellate briefs, Appellate Division, Appellate review, criminal appeals
3 Comments
Courts to implement new Kwik-Affirm (c) software for criminal appeals
In a bold move aimed at conserving scarce judicial resources, the Appellate Division announced that its traditional rubber stamp method of deciding criminal appeals will shortly be replaced by Kwik-Affirm (c), an innovative software program that scans entire defense briefs at … Continue reading
The appellate process explained
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate review, criminal appeals, judicial decisionmaking
1 Comment
Tips on preserving the record: put it somewhere you can find it.
Appellate squawkers are sometimes unfairly portrayed as late-rising introverts walking around mumbling “82 New York Supp Second” or “Marbury v. Madison” and looking for ways to show up trial lawyers as ineffective. Nothing could be further from the truth! Our … Continue reading
Harmless error: what if everybody did that?
Of all the professions claiming to be based on reason rather than revelation, only law makes a positive virtue of refusing to correct its own mistakes. We love it when an appellate decision recites a string of outrageous trial errors … Continue reading
The Appellate Division keeps it in the family
What’s so terrible about nepotism? Families have always worked together. Over at Vesuvio’s Dry Cleaners, which we occasionally entrust with our best and only suit, Mrs. Vesuvio regularly mans the counter whenever Mr. V. keels over from the fumes. At … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged Appellate Division, criminal appeals, Law & Parody, nepotism
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Seeing and hearing the witnesses doesn’t make the jury more reliable
If we had a nickel for every appellate decision affirming a dodgy verdict with the excuse that “we decline to substitute our judgment for that of the jury which saw and heard the witnesses,” we’d have – well, a … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged criminal appeals, criminal law, criminal trials, Dan Simon, judging credibility, juries
1 Comment
So you want to file a federal habeas?
Every now and then we take a break from our parking ticket litigation practice and attempt a federal habe, “the great and efficacious Writ in all manner of illegal confinement.” We duly identified a conscience-shocking constitutional violation, read every Supreme … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged criminal appeals, federal habeas, Law & Parody
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