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Just because you’re breaking eggs doesn’t mean you’re making an omlette. — Hercule Poirot
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Recent Posts
- Maud Maron v. The Legal Aid Society
- I’m objective, thee is biased
- People’s briefs and other horror fiction
- “My pronouns are sheehurr… so yours would be?”
- May it really, really displease the court
- Defending the Second Amendment
- May It Displease the Court
- Covid in the Courtrooms: an Unnecessary Risk
- Judge Jack Weinstein 1921-2021
- In-Person Oral Argument Should Go the Way of the Dodo
- Convicting Bill Cosby: “An Unconstitutional Coercive Bait-and-Switch”
- Judge Conviser rips into SORA
- Adios, 2020!
- THE BEST OF APPELLATE SQUAWK 2010-2020
- Call a rose by any other name and it’ll see you in court
- Try the new high-tech system for alienating your clients
- Outdoor Public Defending
- Why do cops lie? Because judges believe them.
- Courts to replace juries with potted plants
- Do Statues Matter?
- Sexual thoughts and the First Amendment
- COVID-19 masks for judges
- Judges in trouble
- Hell hath no fury like a client scorned
- “Don’t you dare invite me to your stupid Zoom party!”
- Janitors, Catholic schoolteachers and the Hosanna exception
- Supreme Court hears robocall case, flushes toilet
- “Planet of the Humans”
- The virus, like the rain, falleth on the just and the unjust
- The NYC arraignment scandal: part 2
- NYC courtrooms: the arraignment scandal
- Squawk under house arrest
- Must be true, says so right here in the Probation Report
- Discovery reform in Brooklyn: fuggetabout WitCom
- Happy Lunar New Year 2020: Year of the Rat
- The Sex Offender Bus
- Head for the hills, discovery reform arrives with the New Year!
- Annals of Social Injustice: Affluent People Drinking Rosé in Central Park
- Is it silly to demand transparency from appellate courts?
- “Your question has nothing to do with this case, Judge.”
- Not your law office? Click here.
- Let’s keep dogs off the witness stand.
- Forget speed dating, try jury duty!
- The Busywork Conspiracy
- Life in non-punitive therapeutic civil commitment is not what you think
- Buster the civil commitment dog
- Is it a crime to sleep it off in your car?
- What really happens in court: the unvarnished truth
- Putting the brakes on “victims’ rights”
- Maestro James Levine (somewhat) rehabilitated
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Tag Archives: NY Court of Appeals
COVID-19 masks for judges
From a social distance of 150 miles away, we watched NY’s highest state court judges marching into the courtroom to hear oral argument in the flesh for the first time since the COVID-19 lockdown. All wearing identical light blue face … Continue reading
Hell hath no fury like a client scorned
After 3 months of COVID-19 “pause,” the NY Court of Appeals has announced a return to hearing oral arguments in the flesh “with appropriate safety protocols.” We envision them hanging batlike from the ceiling. A couple of lawfirm biggies applauded … Continue reading
Posted in Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons
Tagged Hon. Paul Senzer, NY Court of Appeals
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Must be true, says so right here in the Probation Report
Who needs satire when we have the news? The world closing down around us, Governor Cuomo proudly shilling a hand sanitizer for being cheaper than Brand X and smelling like tulips (the hand sanitizer, that is). Brought to us by … Continue reading
OMG!! What’s so reliable about excited utterance?
The excited utterance exception to the rule against hearsay “rests on no firmer ground than judicial habit, in turn reflecting judicial incuriosity and reluctance to consider ancient dogmas.” — Judge Posner, 7th Cir. According to ancient dogmas, the stress of … Continue reading
The Court of Appeals believes the victim (even when the jury doesn’t)
Comes now New York’s highest court with the holding that an accuser’s trial testimony constitutes clear and convincing evidence of the truth of her accusations, even though the jury found her not credible and acquitted the defendant of those charges. In … Continue reading
Posted in Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons, SORA
Tagged NY Court of Appeals, People v. Bretton
11 Comments
“Thrusting counsel upon the accused against his considered wish”
The Constitution forbids “thrust[ing] counsel upon the accused against his considered wish.” — Faretta v. California (US 1975). The right to self-representation embodies one of the most cherished ideals of our culture: the right of an individual to determine his own … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal procedure, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons
Tagged NY Court of Appeals
3 Comments
Court of Appeals to Squawk: Drop Dead
Sigh. Another drop-dead letter from the NY Court of Appeals, the second one this week. The first denied leave to appeal where our client got 107 years after a trial that he spent mostly down in the courthouse pens because … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Criminal law, Judges, Law, SORA
Tagged NY Court of Appeals, SORA Risk Assessment Instrument
1 Comment
JUDGE WOOL TAPPED FOR HIGH COURT CHIEF, VOWS REVERSAL QUOTAS
The Governor stunned friend and foe alike today by announcing an unprecedented about-face in his pick for Chief Judge of the Court of Appeals, ditching former nominee Suburbia County District Attorney Flowerpot and giving the nod to Judge Wool. “Judge … Continue reading
Posted in Humor, Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons
Tagged Chief Judge NY Court of Appeals, NY Court of Appeals
4 Comments
Videotaping Interrogations: The Court of Appeals Blows It
Ten years ago the Massachusetts high court, fed up with hearing “repeated pronouncements” about the fabulous benefits of recording police interrogations, decided to do something about it. Commonwealth v. DiGiambattista (2004). Cops don’t record interrogations? Fine. But if the … Continue reading
The Court of Appeals gets righteous
The Sex Offender Registration Act (SORA), like the Emperor’s New Clothes, is nonsense perpetrated in the name of superior wisdom. It creates a permanent underclass of “sex offenders,” defined as anyone convicted of an offense from a list that includes … Continue reading
Posted in Civil Liberties, Satirical cartoons, SORA
Tagged Child pornography, NY Court of Appeals, People v. Gillotti, sex offenders, SORA
3 Comments
Cop gets booboo, client gets 5 years
We’ve just lost another appeal where the cops, confronted with an argumentative citizen, immediately resorted to the persuasive power of fists and handcuffs. Returning to their patrol car emblazoned with the NYPD slogan, “Professionalism Courtesy Respect,” they found that their … Continue reading
The immortal NY Court of Appeals
Judges, like boxers, are loath to give up the adulation that comes with the job, not to mention the pleasure of reducing others to a pulp. Recently Judge Smith of the Albany Supremes came out with an Op Ed piece in the … Continue reading
The court interpreter knows the witness? No problem.
One of the many contradictions in the American Way of Life is that although every cabdriver speaks at least 3 languages (though not necessarily English), the Captains of the Bench tend to be monolingual. A few weeks ago, we watched … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged court interpreters, Judge Jenny Rivera, NY Court of Appeals, People v. Thomas Lee
5 Comments
Demolishing the 4th Amendment
In response to decades of complaints that the Fourth Amendment is a hazardous eyesore that lowers property values, hinders the nation’s competitiveness in the global market and endangers little children, a coalition of NY courts and law enforcement groups announced … Continue reading
Judge Wool’s 2012 Court of Appeals Highlights
Judge Wool looks back on another season of smash hits at the Court of Appeals. Here’s a sample of the 2012 highlights. Statutory construction: People v. Velez. In another round of judge-forgot-to-mention-post-release-supervision cases, the Court held that just because the statute gives a 40-day deadline … Continue reading
Sexperts in the courtroom: Part 1
There’s only one person in the courtroom who’s allowed to have an aura of reliability, and you can probably guess who that is. Anybody who wants to testify about specialized knowledge is rigorously scrutinized by the judicial gatekeeper under the 12-prong orgone-kryptonite test before they’re allowed … Continue reading
Judge Wool for Court of Appeals
The NY Court of Appeals makes their judges retire at 70, just when they’re beginning to get the hang of things. They’re now looking to fill the slot about to be vacated by septuagenarian Carmen Ciparick. According to the NY … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody
Tagged Judge Ciparick, NY Court of Appeals
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District Attorney Vandal tries his hand at oral argument
A few weeks ago, the Manhattan District Attorney decided to take a break from prosecuting people for taking up more than one seat in the subway and drop into New York’s highest court for a spot of oral argument. He had … Continue reading
Posted in Civil Liberties, Criminal law, Law & Parody
Tagged NY Court of Appeals, Sandoval
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Viewing the evidence in the light most favorable to the People
We recently learned a new expression from a psych expert: “Doesn’t operationalize.” It’s a tactful alternative to calling something a complete fraud, as in, “A rabbit’s foot keychain doesn’t operationalize its claim to ensure optimal quality of life when there’s … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law & Parody
Tagged NY Court of Appeals, Sandoval, Valentine's Day
5 Comments
Judge Wool’s 2011 roundup
The Honorable Judge Wool of the former Court of Utterances and Nuisances is a frequent contributor to these pages, although in his opinion, unfairly marginalized (See “Judge Wool Says” at right). The Sycophant Bar Association, mistaking him for Judge Wood of … Continue reading
Posted in Criminal law, Law, Law & Parody
Tagged Fourth Amendment, Judge Wool, NY Court of Appeals
2 Comments
Appellate Squawk 