In the latest move towards the efficient disposal of appeals, the Administrator of Court Administrative Administration announced that all oral arguments in criminal and SORA appeals will henceforth be handled by “Affirman, the Virtual Judge.”
“This is a long overdue reform,” enthused Judge Lowcosta of the Appellate Division. “For years, we tragically overworked judges have been toiling under the crushing weight of sitting through lengthy, pointless oral arguments, all the while knowing that the decision has already been made by ChatGPT. The efficient disposal of these appeals will free the judiciary to focus exclusively on vital questions of law concerning construction contracts, divorce settlements, and ambulance pursuit.”
Chat bots are computers trained to give pre-programmed responses, a natural replacement for customer service reps and appellate judges.
Criminal defense attorneys wishing to orally argue their appeals may now simply click on the court’s home page. The judge-bot appears:
You are in rare form Keep them coming Lorca. I am not a robot.
No problem even if you are. When it comes to praise, we’re totally inclusive.