Author Archives: Appellate Squawk

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.

Queens judges say the darndest things

Welcome to Queens, birthplace of the Mets, Weight Watchers and President Trump. Where, if you’re on trial for a crime, the prosecutor is likely to be the judge’s kid. Picture this: Prosecutor: Objection. Judge: Overruled. Prosecutor: Dad-dy! Judge: Oh, all … Continue reading

Posted in Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | Leave a comment

Granny stun-gunned for gathering dandelions

Martha Al-Bishara is 87 years old. Came from Syria 22 years ago. Worked on farm. Became citizen. Lives in Chatsworth, Georgia. Walks across street to vacant lot to gather dandelion greens for salad. Has small kitchen knife. Vacant lot is … Continue reading

Posted in Law & Parody | 1 Comment

Albany prosecutor fired for secretly writing defense briefs

Defense lawyer Cheryl Coleman thought it was a brilliant idea to hire her local Assistant District Attorney – the aptly named Steve Sharp – to write her criminal appeals on the QT.  For years, Sharp and Coleman regularly appeared against … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , , | 18 Comments

Masterpiece Cakeshop refuses birthday cake for Satan

I’m thinking a three-tiered white cake. Cheesecake frosting. And the topper should be a large figure of Satan, licking a 9” black Dildo. I would like the dildo to be an actual working model, that can be turned on before … Continue reading

Posted in First Amendment, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 2 Comments

How to get judges to read your brief

Judge Saxe is at it again, handing out more smug advice about appellate briefwriting.  “The reply brief is an important document,” he intones.  It’s “the last word” that the judges will read. It should consist of “short, declarative, punchy sentences.” Based on “abundant … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Judges, Law & Parody, Satire and parody | Tagged , | 8 Comments

Linda Fairstein: Central Park Five guilty as charged

The videotapes show that “the questioning [of the Central Park Five] was respectful, dignified, carried out according to the letter of the law and with sensitivity to the young age of the men. . . . If you spot the first sign of … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, False confessions | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Sentencing Sheldon Silver

“The Government got up and said. . . we want other people to see his sentence and to think twice about committing a crime. And I remember Judge Glasser looked at the assistant and said, what you’re suggesting is that … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law | Tagged , | 1 Comment