Author Archives: Appellate Squawk

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.

Seven words to be banned in court

According to the Washington Post, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) was warned by their federal funding agency not to use the following seven words: “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” and “science-based.” The suggested substitute for “science-based” was “science in … Continue reading

Posted in Law & Parody | 3 Comments

The Case of Masterpiece Cakeshop

What’s an evangelical Christian baker to do when asked to design and decorate a custom cake for a gay wedding? If he complies, he violates his religious objections to same-sex marriage. If he refuses, he’s prosecuted for violating the public … Continue reading

Posted in Civil Liberties, First Amendment, Law | Tagged | 9 Comments

“Appearing in court isn’t supposed to be fun.”

  Anyone unlucky enough to have their presence required in a New York City criminal court can sit in the courtroom for hours, shouted at by overbearing court officers in bulletproof armor and unable to get the attention of anyone … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal procedure | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Maestro James Levine

James Levine is one of the greatest living conductors and musicians of our time. We know this because the Metropolitan Opera Orchestra, which usually gets up and leaves as soon as they’ve played the last note, would stay in the … Continue reading

Posted in Civil Liberties | Tagged | 3 Comments

“What cross-race charge? What are you talking about?”

“All the identifying witnesses were speaking from casual observation of men they had never seen before, men of foreign race, under circumstances of unusual confusion.” Felix Frankfurter, The Case of Sacco and Vanzetti (1923). We recently watched an oral argument … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, eyewitness identification, Law & Parody | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Court admits expert water-dunking testimony as relevant, helpful to jury.

 The trial court did not abuse its discretion in admitting expert testimony concerning defendant’s failure to pass the water-dunking test. Dr. Brimstone, who has testified in over 200 witch trials, was plainly qualified to explain to the jury that immersing … Continue reading

Posted in Forensic "science", Judges, Law & Parody | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

Chief Judge orders prosecutors not to be crooked and defense lawyers not to be incompetent

The Chief Judge adopted the “groundbreaking recommendation” of the  NY State Justice Task Force Report  that from Jan. 1,  all New York State trial judges must issue an order in every criminal case directing prosecutors to disclose evidence helpful to the … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody, Satire and parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | Leave a comment