Author Archives: Appellate Squawk

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.

Are your politics acceptable to your cabdriver?

Our fictitious hero Rumpole of the Bailey liked to say that a public defender is “a taxi plying for hire,” bluntly explaining to his clients that he was “duty bound to take on any client, however repellent.” But his taxi metaphor … Continue reading

Posted in Civil Liberties, Satire and parody | 1 Comment

How to keep your employees safe and happy: give them guns for Christmas

A Wisconsin glassware company has discovered the perfect Christmas gift for its employees: a gift certificate for a gun. “For us, now, we have an entire armed staff,” co-owner Ben Wolfgram told the Appleton Post-Crescent. “I think that’s pretty good.” … Continue reading

Posted in Law & Parody | 3 Comments

Everything you’ve ever wanted to say to a judge but had sense enough not to.

Don’t pretend you’ve never been tempted to respond like this when you get a bad decision from a court: I find it hard to believe that after the Court had the motion for 5 months to decide, that it could … Continue reading

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Leave a comment

The Presumption of Innocence, “Sleeping on One’s Rights” and Fundamental Fairness

One of our finest moments in court was hearing a tearful prosecutor whine, “Judge, I know he did it, I just don’t have proof.” Too bad, so sad. No proof, no foul. So we were shocked to discover during the … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

New labels for old

We’ve just received a directive to reform our vocabulary in compliance with The Criminal Justice Reform Phrase Guide authored by The Opportunity Agenda, a progressive propaganda outfit describing itself as a “social justice communication lab” that “shapes compelling messages and narratives” to … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Law & Parody | Tagged | 3 Comments

Judge Kavanaugh’s crickets

What with all this brouhaha over Judge Kavanaugh’s high school conduct, it’s time to look at some of the more substantive issues, such as his outstanding crickets jurisprudence. This might have been entirely overlooked but for the ever-alert Lowering the Bar. … Continue reading

Posted in Judges, Law & Parody | 1 Comment

Queens judges say the darndest things

Welcome to Queens, birthplace of the Mets, Weight Watchers and President Trump. Where, if you’re on trial for a crime, the prosecutor is likely to be the judge’s kid. Picture this: Prosecutor: Objection. Judge: Overruled. Prosecutor: Dad-dy! Judge: Oh, all … Continue reading

Posted in Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | Leave a comment