Author Archives: Appellate Squawk

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.

“The Constitution does not require Florida to join New York in la-la-land.”

Whenever a court invokes the old saw that constitutional rights can’t be stopped at the prison gate, it’s even money that the decision will do exactly that. The latest is the 11th Circuit’s upholding of the Florida Department of Corrections’ … Continue reading

Posted in First Amendment, Prisoners' rights, Satire and parody | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

OMG!! What’s so reliable about excited utterance?

The excited utterance exception to the rule against hearsay “rests on no firmer ground than judicial habit, in turn reflecting judicial incuriosity and reluctance to consider ancient dogmas.” — Judge Posner, 7th Cir. According to ancient dogmas, the stress of … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal procedure, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Exiled statues find asylum in Green-Wood Cemetery

When our dad died at age 89 over his strenuous objections, we buried his ashes in Brooklyn’s beautiful, historic Green-Wood Cemetery with the epitaph, “‘Tis not too late to seek a newer world,” from his beloved Tennyson’s “Ulysses.”  Thanks to … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Court of Appeals believes the victim (even when the jury doesn’t)

Comes now New York’s highest court with the holding that an accuser’s trial testimony constitutes clear and convincing evidence of the truth of her accusations, even though the jury found her not credible and acquitted the defendant of those charges.  In … Continue reading

Posted in Law, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons, SORA | Tagged , | 10 Comments

“Thrusting counsel upon the accused against his considered wish”

The Constitution forbids “thrust[ing] counsel upon the accused against his considered wish.”  — Faretta v. California (US 1975). The right to self-representation embodies one of the most cherished ideals of our culture: the right of an individual to determine his own … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal procedure, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Tagged | 3 Comments

Bronx judge finds solution to trial delays: eliminate attorneys

A Bronx judge, fed up with the prosecution’s shilly-shallying while the accused waited in jail for three years, threatened to conduct the trial sans attorneys, according to In Justice Today. Not since Columbus and the egg has there been such a brilliantly obvious solution … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, Law & Parody | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Appellate Squawk celebrates National Poetry Month

In a drive to remedy the disproportionate underrepresentation of poetry, April has been designated National Poetry Month. Schoolchildren will march on Washington chanting, “Make poems, not tests!”  The ABA will henceforth require lawyers to participate in remedial poetry readings. The … Continue reading

Posted in Law & Parody | Tagged , , | 3 Comments