Author Archives: Appellate Squawk

About Appellate Squawk

A satirical blog for criminal defense lawyers and their friends who won't give up without a squawk.

Is a trial a search for the truth?

Every now and then, a judge will declare that a trial is “a search for the truth,” or, in one drunk driving case, a sober search for the truth.  The judge continued, “In the search for truth, no man has yet … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal law, Law & Parody | 4 Comments

Ineffective Assistance of Counsel, Aussie Style

One of our worst moments as an appellate squawk was sitting in an Alabama courtroom watching a lawyer hand over his former client’s entire file to the prosecutor.  The idea being that if a defendant argues on appeal that his … Continue reading

Posted in Criminal Defense Appeals, Criminal law | Tagged | 1 Comment

Being fair to Fairstein

   Last week the Mystery Writers of America proclaimed Linda Fairstein the recipient of their 2019 Grand Master Award. Two days later, the MWA took it back after another mystery writer tweeted that Fairstein was “almost singlehandedly responsible for the wrongful incarceration of … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

The solution to courtroom delays: hockey pucks

In a move to defend against school shootings, a Michigan college is distributing hockey pucks to its faculty. Hockey pucks, or biscuits, as they’re known to the cognoscenti, are “easy to carry, heavy and tend to cause a distraction when thrown,” explained … Continue reading

Posted in Judges, Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | 1 Comment

Are your politics acceptable to your cabdriver?

Our fictitious hero Rumpole of the Bailey liked to say that a public defender is “a taxi plying for hire,” bluntly explaining to his clients that he was “duty bound to take on any client, however repellent.” But his taxi metaphor … Continue reading

Posted in Civil Liberties, Satire and parody | 1 Comment

How to keep your employees safe and happy: give them guns for Christmas

A Wisconsin glassware company has discovered the perfect Christmas gift for its employees: a gift certificate for a gun. “For us, now, we have an entire armed staff,” co-owner Ben Wolfgram told the Appleton Post-Crescent. “I think that’s pretty good.” … Continue reading

Posted in Law & Parody | 3 Comments

Everything you’ve ever wanted to say to a judge but had sense enough not to.

Don’t pretend you’ve never been tempted to respond like this when you get a bad decision from a court: I find it hard to believe that after the Court had the motion for 5 months to decide, that it could … Continue reading

Posted in Law & Parody, Satirical cartoons | Leave a comment