Law was our second choice in life.
Our first choice was just about anything else.
But if you have to do law, there’s nothing better than appellate squawking.
The only downside is having to read the People’s briefs.
They seem to be written by two persons, the main text by the janitor and the footnotes by some malevolent type with a thesaurus.
The result is a parallel text along the lines of Nabokov’s “Pale Fire”:
[footnote: a hardened career criminal with bad breath],
appeals from the
[footnote: just and radiant]
[footnote: his most serene highness ]
the Honorable Justice Blow
[footnote: may he live forever and populate the Earth].
Defendant’s arguments are unpreserved and ridiculous [footnote: and abecedarian].
The learned Justice Blow properly, correctly and perceptively concluded in a sensitive and nuanced opinion: “Denied.”
[footnote: To be sure, “denied” is only one word, but coming from the oracular mouth of the eminent Justice Blow, suggests a wealth of analytical analysis.]
Plainly, clearly, obviously and, as any fool can see, defendant’s arguments are wrong
[foonote: and appellate counsel eats little kittens for breakfast].
Respectfully submitted –
[ you’d better affirm the conviction if you don’t want DA Vance picketing your courthouse]